What Happiness Is

From Our Home...With Love

2011-12-23T12:39:00.000-08:00

Watch Adeline's eyes in the following photos.

too cute!

Here's to a magical & meaningful Christmas!

Serenity (My First Ever Give Away)

2011-12-21T12:03:00.000-08:00

As much as I love motherhood and the joy of being with my two little girls day after day, I must admit that there are moments I feel like I can't go on.

There are days when I feel void of patience...when facing their bickering, whining, and temper tantrums feels like more than I can handle.  

I have, on occasion thrown things.  I have yelled and carried on, scaring my children and adding to the chaos of those moments.

Then there is the inevitable regret that overwhelms me, and tempts me to label myself as a horrible, unfit mother.

The truth is I am  not horrible, nor am I unfit to care for these precious little girls.  I AM weak, and I am learning how to love and nurture both myself and my family, but the learning is not without mistakes.

Along with prayer and a few minutes to myself, I have discovered some amazing essential oils to help calm these feeling, and allow me to deal more peacefully with those I love.

There are three main oils I have used in these situations.  They are doTERRA blends, and they have become dear friends and a real support system in the middle of the occasional madness.  Elevation - a joyful blend, Balance - a grounding blend, and Serenity - a calming blend

The way I usually apply these oils is a drop or two of Elevation and Serenity on my chest, over my heart and then a drop or two of Balance on the bottoms of my feet.  It does wonders to calm me and it helps in my desire to be gentle with myself and with my children.

I have used this same combination on my girls when they are having a temper tantrum or wake up crying in the night.  Applying these oils to my girls and even my husband has helped them feel loved and nurtured.

My girls love having Lavender and OnGuard (another oil blend) applied every night before bed.  We have been learning how to incorporate these oils into our daily routine and they are blessing our family, and even improving our outlook on life!

So...I have decided to share the doTERRA experience and give away one of my favorite oil blends...Serenity!!

You can use this calming blend in any situation that causes you stress!  First day of school, or a new job.  You can apply it before giving a presentation to a group of people, or before a big test.  Use it for anything and everything, and then let me know what you think!!

In order to get in on this giveaway here's what you do...

Become a follower on my blog

Share the giveaway on twitter or Facebook

Leave a comment, sharing your own experiences with doTERRA essential oils

Leave a comment with your name and email address

You will be entered once for each of the above entries.

I will be choosing the winner on December 31, New Years Eve, and will mail it out to you on Monday January 2nd!

Here's to a new year filled health and wholeness!

Love, Michelle

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*doTERRA*

Cardigan Empire

2011-12-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

It has been over a month since I was featured on Cardigan Empire, and I totally forgot to post it on my own blog!  Sheesh, I must be distracted by a million other equally awesome things. 

So even though it's old news, I'd love for you to follow this link and check out Reachel's beautiful blog and support her weekly celebration of beauty!

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Like a Queen

2011-12-19T09:37:00.000-08:00

Tiny shoulders wrapped in fairest skin.  The lightest wisps of wavy hair.  Clear eyes and rose bud lips flutter and twist with the wonder of excitement.  There are dreams in these hearts and big ideas in these little heads!

I sit day after day watching this beauty of girlhood whirl all around me, and I hope with great confidence that one day these little infant goddesses will find a man like their father who will recognize who they are and treat them like a Queen!

I remember as a teenager feeling so angry and embarrassed when my dad would give my boyfriends that "disapproving" look.  What I didn't fully grasp at the time was this innate sense of protection and desire for your daughter to have "only the best".  

One of my very fondest, most tender moments with my father was in the Salt Lake Temple after I was sealed to Tyler for eternity.  He took both of us in his arms, and with tears in his eyes, told us how proud he was of us that day.  I could sense the difficult surrender of handing my care over to another man, but I could feel even more, his respect for and confidence in this man who just covenanted with God to treat me like a Queen!

While we were dating, Tyler handed me a note in church one day that said, "If you marry me, I will make all of your wildest dreams come true".  It was a funny note, but I knew he really meant it.

We just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary and my sweet husband surprised me with tickets to see Andrea Bocelli in concert!  A dream of mine for 13 years now!  I first heard him sing on a PBS special while I was a nanny in California.  I was 20 years old at the time, and my young adventurous heart was spell bound by the powerful voice of a man who could not see his audience.  The beauty of his performance was not only in his voice, but in his presence.  He is blind, and if you've ever seen him sing, you will know that his disability is a part of what makes him great.  He is not a theatrical performer.  He stands in one place, hands to his sides and simply sings.

Being there in the same space as Andrea Bocelli was exactly the dream I envisioned it to be.  It was an experience, a witnessing of greatness -- something I will never, ever forget.

After the concert, Tyler and I sat in a romantically lit restaurant, surrounded by our fellow concert goers.  There seemed to be a collective reverence and excitement for what we had all just experienced.  I heard a gentleman sitting next to us whisper to his wife, "I hadn't expected to feel the emotion I felt as I heard him sing."

Our perfect evening was punctuated with the most perfectly delicious meal we have ever shared, and I knew, as I looked across the table, that my dad's wishes for his daughter were coming true.  Not just in fancy concerts and fine dining, but in a heart that is willing to give and sacrifice for my happiness.  A heart set on keeping his most sacred promise to love me, protect me, and "make my wildest dreams come true."

Happy Anniversary My Love.

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Christmas Light

2011-12-14T14:00:00.000-08:00

I have many memories of squeezing into a minivan filled with teenagers from my church youth group, cruising I-15 to the SLC, and laughing all the way there and back.  It was our holiday visit to the Christmas lights at Temple Square.  It would happen every year, and it was the event I looked forward to more than any other youth activity we had.  

I would wander around with my friends in the frosty air, surrounded by crowds of people smiling and laughing beneath the millions of twinkle lights, and every year there would be that moment my heart would swell with complete contentment.  It was the familiar feeling that told me it was finally Christmas!  

When cheeks were ripe with winter rosiness, and every site had been seen, we would load back up and beeline it to Crown Burger for cheese burgers, french fries, and my favorite part...fry sauce!

The ride home would always be slightly less comfortable, but only because our bellies would be stuffed full of fast food and our toes were in that tingly defrost mode, but the warmth...ahhhh...the warmth was so comfortable. The warmth of sitting shoulder to shoulder with my friends. The warmth of belonging, and the warmth of having something to look forward to, something to celebrate, and something to believe in.

I love that Christmas is so full of tradition. These traditions are little gifts wrapped in memory and filled with light that we can't wait to open year after year. Even though we know what's inside, the surprise of how we feel never gets old.

What is your favorite Christmas tradition?

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doTERRA

2011-11-21T08:47:00.001-08:00

I want to talk about my new passion...doTERRA!  

doTERRA is fairly new company (about 3 years old) specializing in certified pure therapeutic essential oils.  They are the only essential oils company delivering a COMPLETELY pure product, double testing every batch they produce to guarantee the highest level of purity.  

In April of 2010 I attended my first class with my mother-in-law and purchased a Family Physician kit and the Modern Essentials book that night.  I didn't really know what I was doing at the time, but have since discovered what a blessing these oils are in my home.  doTERRA means "gift of the earth", and though  I believe the medical profession is inspired and saves lives everyday, I also believe that God has provided the ingredients needed for health and healing in a more natural way.  In fact many pharmaceuticals are synthetic attempts at recreating the healing elements found in nature.  I figure why not go straight to the original source!

The mission of doTERRA is to have a healer in every home.  How empowering is it to know we can take matters into our own hands when it comes to the health and well being of those in our own homes!  We don't have to run to the doctor's office every time we are sick, and in fact, regular use of these oils can prevent illness and restore our bodies to a more whole and healthy state.

I am going to get really personal here for a second.  When I made my first doTERRA purchase over a year and a half ago, I felt something stir inside of me.  I knew I needed to have these "gifts of the earth" in my home, and I needed to learn how to use them to benefit my life, and the lives of those around me...but I kind of let that feeling fade over time.  I purchased only a few more oils, and tried to use them with limited education.  I felt their impact in my life, but never used them very consistently. 

All through the fall and winter months, and into the spring, my girls battled cold after cold, and flu after flu.  They were literally sick with something every couple of weeks.  On top of all of that there was a heavy and dark energy that seemed to hang over our home like a gloomy dark cloud.  I felt helpless, and struggled with feelings of guilt when it came to my family's health.  I knew some major changes needed to take place in our home, and so I prayed and prayed.  

My good friend and mentor, Cherie Burton, asked me one day if I was familiar with essential oils.  I told her I was, and that I had been using them on and off for a few months.  Over time she taught me about the gentle yet powerful influence these oils can have in our lives.  She explained how they have brought about miracles for her family, and she taught me how to incorporate them more fully into my routine.  I felt that subtle stir in my heart again.  I knew that in some way, these oils were calling to me, but I still didn't pay a lot of attention to it.

Cherie offered to come out to my small community to teach a class on the oils, so we made arrangements and held a very small class at the Garrison Elementary School.  Not many people showed up, but she kept telling me that in her experience those who need to be there, always show up, and she is willing to do a class, even if it's for one or two people.  I remember thinking, "Wow, what a generous attitude!", but she explained that teaching others how to heal their lives and their families cannot be a self serving effort.

After that class the stirring continued, and I asked Cherie if she would teach a class for my family at my parent's house.  She said she would, but asked if I would be willing to teach a part of the class!  I agreed to do so, but I was set in my mind and knew that selling doTERRA was not for me.  doTERRA is a multi-level marketing company, and I've tried my hand at a few of those over the years with no success, and knew I would never try that again.  I hate the feeling of trying to sell things and the pressure that always seems to make all of your friends, family and strangers feel uncomfortable in your presence.  No thank you on that!!  Not for me!

A couple of weeks before the class I started to study up for the part I would be teaching, and in the process I stumbled across a video of Natalie Goddard, one of the most successful distributors of doTERRA essential oils. If you'd like to watch it, here is the link http://vimeo.com/25579965.  I was struck by her quiet non assuming way, and I felt like I was listening to my own struggle in her story.  That stirring in my heart became a whisper in my ear and I knew in that moment, that teaching others how to heal their lives is what I am here to do.  Suddenly it all made sense to me with the book I am writing, and the mentoring business I am starting.  Sharing the natural healing power of essential oils falls right in line with the kind of healing tools I am hoping to share with women.

We held the class at my parent's house last week, and once again only a few people attended, but that didn't trouble me at all.  Education was gained, oils were purchased and lives were changed, and the warmth and contentment I felt at being a part of it all overwhelmed me!  I was at my mom's house sitting across the table from her when her order arrived.  She pulled out all of her oils and opened them up, smelling them and reading about their healing properties in her new Modern Essentials book.  She rubbed some Deep Blue over her arthritic hands, the pain evident in her face as she rubbed it in.  Helping her arthritis was one of the main reasons she purchased the oils and I said a little prayer that these oils would be a solution to her need.  Within one minute, I noticed the expression on her face change.  She looked at me and said, "Oh my goodness...I can feel a noticeable change!  Oh my goodness...I can put pressure on my hand...look at this!"  Right there at her kitchen table, we witnessed a little miracle...we witnessed the beginning of healing, and I am so grateful to have found such a powerful tool!

I know these oils can do amazing things and I am on a mission to share them with everyone! If there is anything that ails you, physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, it can be helped and I would love to come and share doTERRA with you!! If you'd like to learn more and possibly host a class in your own home, please contact me at mere.elle@gmail.com. I am going to be working to set up a bi-monthly class out here near Garrison, and then I also want to begin doing a bi-monthly class in Utah county, so let me know if you are interested and I'll tell you when and where they will be held!

Baby Adeline

2011-11-08T14:45:00.000-08:00

Ever since Addy was born, she has been referred to in our home as "baby Adeline", but recently she has started to protest saying..."I not a baby, I a big girl".  And it's true, she is a big girl.  

She follows Emilee around night and day, skipping, dancing, pretending and daydreaming - keeping up with all of the activity just as any "big girl" would.  I love to see the changes and the growth, but I begin to feel panicky, wondering if I will always remember the tiny squeaky voice and the petite-ness of her frame.  Has my heart fully captured the depth of her softness and sweetness?  I hope so, because someday when she is all grown up, stressing about life, money and love, I will need the reminder of these days when her greatest struggles could be cured with fruit snacks and squeeze hugs and a story with mommy on the couch.

Seeing Beauty at Last

2011-10-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

I gave myself a gift. I let myself be pampered.  I gave myself love and encouragement, and I captured a magical moment in time.  A time when I decided to believe I was beautiful!  The good news is, it worked.  The reflection of that belief was captured in photographs.  Evidence of my belief, and of my beauty.

I am not saying all this to boast, or compare myself to anyone else.  I am saying this because I feel victorious and I want you to celebrate with me! I also say this because I have decided that every girl needs to dress up once in a while, get her hair and make-up done and then get some photos taken!

A good photo can show us something we often refuse to see...that there is a bigger picture of who we are and what we are all about.  We are incredible.  We are powerful.  We are divine, and we are worth it!

When we choose to believe it and embrace it...angels rally around us and lift us to that elusive place of surrender and love.

A big thank you to my loving mother Carolyn, my amazing sister Amber, my beautiful sister-in-law Jenny, Jamie at the M.A.C. counter, and the darling and incredible Heather Telford for introducing me to myself in a whole new light!  Love you ladies...Muwwah!

"Shout, Shout Let it all OUT"

2011-09-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

I am a picky reader.  I read less for entertainment, and more for  education, self-improvement, inspiration, and for that certain thing  that tugs at my heart and reminds me that everything I want to  experience is available for the choosing!

I have read  very few novels in my lifetime.  Mostly just the ones required in  English classes.  The main reason for my fictional attention deficit, is  my yearning for direction and purpose.  I am not suggesting that those  things can't be found in novels....I'm sure they are there, but I prefer  instruction and examples of what is possible through the experiences of  those who have won the victory.....who have really lived it.

The problem is, I soak up every word and then set the completed book upon my crowded shelf, my mind brimming with hope and a heart stretched with determination, and then walk right back into a life of habit and "less than stellar" results.

I hate to complain here on my blog, but I kind of think of this familiar screen as a dear friend who will always hear me out.  Oh computer...if only you could reassure me that someday I will figure it all out.  Sometimes I need you to patiently pat my hand while I hang my head and cry it out.  Instead, I just type out my frustrations and allow you to hold on to them for me and keep them for future reflection and evidence of just how far I've come.

If you really must know, I am feeling tormented by my inclination to give up when things get hard or uncomfortable.  You see, I am trying to start a business.  My desire with this business is to show women how to see and believe in their own beauty, and quite frankly I am having the most difficult time living what I'm teaching.  Right now it is feeling impossible to see past the extra 50 lbs. I'm carrying around.  It is all I can see right now.  I know the beauty is there, and I'm tired of believing that I have to be a certain weight in order to be beautiful.  I thought I was past all of this....I wrote a whole book about it in fact - a book that I am hoping other woman can use to pull themselves out of this very place I am sitting in now.  

Sometimes I feel like a fraud.

Am I a fraud?  I really hope not.  I would like to believe that I am just a real woman, with real struggles and real inspiration and real triumphs.  Today, I might be feeling like throwing a pity party (you know how I love a good party)...and believe me, I do...but I haven't come this far to fall right back into the "I'm not good enough" way of thinking!  Even as an overweight woman, beauty is mine to claim.  That is what I really believe.

*humph*

Please send positive thoughts my way!  I'm lacking a little bit of confidence right now.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

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Inspiration

2011-09-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

This last month I have been on the go!  

I've had an event that required traveling for the past four weekends in a row, and three of those weekends I was on my own.

  I spent several quiet hours in the car, all alone without any distractions.  I thought I would spend the time listening to music or talks, but as it turned out I spent the time talking to God.  

I poured out every ounce of my heart.  I thanked Him for all of the exciting things happening in my life.  I told him about my progress.  I divulged my weaknesses and worries, and told him how grateful I am for the love and support that surround me, even when I feel alone.  I asked Him for help,and I shared my desire to better recognize His voice in my life.

I pictured Him there next to me in the passenger seat, and He carefully listened to everything I had to say.

The most amazing part was when I realized that I could actually hear His voice.  Or was I feeling it?  It's difficult to say, because He speaks in a whisper.  A whisper that comes from every direction and completely engages your senses.  I'm finding that it really is true.  If we want to recognize His voice, we just need to be quiet.

I know that He knows me.  

There is no doubt about that, and this month of insight and inspiration has reminded me that it's in the seeking to know Him that we discover the happiness we've been looking for in all the wrong places.

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Happy Birthday to Me

2011-07-25T19:19:00.000-07:00

Today I complete my 33rd year of life, and I must say that right here in the middle of life; you know....the day to day of things, it often appears to be nothing more than a bunch of squiggly lines and random flecks of color splashed around all messy and out of order. Thankfully, over the years I have been able to step back from the chaos only to find that all of those lines and flecks actually make up something incredible. A bigger picture that makes perfect sense.

Of course pain has been present through the years, drumming on my heart with its rapid beat of growth, and yet I have lived moment after beautiful moment wondering how God could possibly be so good to me.

Obviously He knows my heart.

He knows exactly what to do to make my life beautiful and meaningful, and in my constant quest of faith through fear, He has always shown me that He is there with this generous gift of life, and all it has in store.

I love that we celebrate the day we are born! The beginning of our story, and every chapter along the way!

Flowery & Wise

2011-07-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am writing a book!  This is huge for me, and scary, and satisfying, and intimidating, and a million other things. 

It has become evident that I am addicted to flowery words.  This is a problem because flowery writing has to be tamed when writing a REAL book.  It might be okay for my own personal journal, or maybe even this little blog, but the printed word, bound and ready for purchase....has to be more grounded.

I am a dreamer!  Just last night I was told that I live with my head in the clouds.  I suppose it is true, but amid all of my "daydreamy-ness", I actually know a thing or two about life.  A thing or two worth sharing, and my hope is that the truth and wisdom I carry in my deepest depths will tame my flowery heart, and what will eventually come out of this work, will be a little piece of me....the perfect blend of rose colored wisdom.

Something Creeps About the House

2011-07-20T09:48:00.000-07:00

I remember huddling deep down in my covers while my best friend slept peacefully nearby.  It was a sleepover at her house, and she always had incredible stories of haunting and ghostly sightings that thrilled my senses and tormented my sleep!  I would lay awake forever after her stories, scanning the room for my own unearthly sightings. I have always been intrigued at the thought of spirits walking our halls and visiting us from time to time, but I am not at all excited by scary movies or books and I could most certainly do without anything creepy walking the halls of my home.  Friendly ghosts....sure.  Not so friendly ghosts.....not so much!

A couple of years ago, Emilee started into the "I'm scared of the monster in my closet" phase, but it quickly became evident that whatever was "in the closet", was very real to her, and caused her poor little heart a significant amount of concern and even terror.  We prayed for angels, we dedicated our home, we dedicated her bedroom, we cast out evil, and Tyler even gave her a blessing every night before bed for a period of time....and still the haunting continued.  There were several nights spent in our room in a little make shift bed on the floor.  We worked tirelessly to calm a troubled heart and convince a fearful girl, that she was just fine, and that nothing was going to hurt her.......and then it happened.   

3:00 a.m. my eyes opened wide to the sound of Emilee's bedroom door knob popping.  I rolled to my back and saw the door swing wide open and then quickly shut.  I waited for her pitter patter to hurry across the hall, but nothing.  I waited.....and waited, but no sound.  No movement.  My heart started to beat furiously as I realized it was not my sweet daughter who opened the bedroom door.  My mind trying to convince my own troubled heart that everything was fine...and that nothing was going to hurt me.  I finally woke Tyler up and asked if he would go with me to check on the girls, afraid of what I might find on my own.  We quietly opened their door to find both of them sitting up in their beds wide eyed with fright and confusion!

I asked Emilee if she had opened her door, to which she replied, "No Mommy, but my walls were moving!"  What??!!!!  We gathered both of our babies and brought them to our room for the remainder of the night.

The next day things returned to normal, and night after night remained as before with complaints of fear that gradually faded away.....that is, until this week!!  On Saturday night Emilee refused to go to bed.  Her poor little heart beating fast and her squeaky little voice pleading for a house that isn't so scary!!  " I want a room that isn't so scary Mommy!"  "I know sweetheart, and someday we will have one, but for now we need to be brave, and trust Heavenly Father to take care of us.  When we are afraid we can tell Him and He will send Angels to watch over us and protect us."  

Nothing could convince our poor girl that she would be alright and we endured a long night of fearful emotion!  Tyler eventually ended up sleeping right next to her in her bed for the majority of the night!  Then last night it happened again.  I was having a difficult time sleeping, tossing and turning and feeling uncomfortable when at 1:00 a.m. on the dot, the girl's bedroom door opened up and then quickly closed, only no one came out, no one cried out.....no sound, no other movement.  I laid there awake for a good 20 minutes waiting to hear my girls, but I must have drifted off to sleep, because when Emilee cried out it was nearly 3:30 a.m.  I hurried to her side to offer my love and comfort.  She told me she was scared, and I whispered words of assurance and rubbed her little feet.  She finally gained enough courage to finish the night in her room and I went back to bed around 4:00 a.m.

I've decided that doors opening and closing in the night is not my cup o' tea!  Even if they are friendly ghosts. I prefer peaceful nights filled with sweet dreams and content babies in their cozy little beds. 

I'm trying to be brave and content with where we are, but I must admit I am hoping to live in a "not so scary" house someday myself!

I think I can....

2011-07-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

When am I going to get it all together? 

I have been trying for my whole lifetime to make the basic things like, exercise, vitamins, prayer, scripture study, going to bed early and rising early, and keeping a clean home into habits and it feels like as soon as I get one going pretty consistently all of the others fall apart.

I'm not looking for perfection, just consistency.  I want to be able to count on myself to do what I say I am going to do....you know? 

I have a short attention span and a slow body, which is a strange combination, because my mind is busy and bustling with ideas and movement, and yet my body lags behind...way behind.  All of the fire inside only appears to be a tiny smolder when observing my daily accomplishments.

I am inpatient with how slow progression can be.  I want to be my best now! 

I know I have plenty of emotional weaknesses in the mix, but today I am feeling fully aware of my physical limitations. I want to be strong, fit, and energetic.....and yet I don't feel like I have the energy to make it happen. I guess this is when I hit my knees and then do the best I can. Somehow the Lord always gives me the strength to do what I don't think I can.

Dream

2011-06-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

I am a big believer in finding out what God wants me to make of my life, and then with His help....making it happen.  I've tried to do so for as long as I can remember, however; for most of my life I have lacked the faith and confidence in myself to dream very big. 

We all have a dream.  I have dozens of dreams, and handfuls of things I desire for my life, and I have recently discovered that many of those things God also desires for me.  I have come to the conclusion that my Heavenly Father wants me to use my passion, my story, my experience, and what ever wisdom I have garnered in my nearly 33 years of life to create my own little message to the world.  My desire is to inspire greatness in women....at the very least goodness.  And so I am writing a book.

This book is intended as a gentle reminder to myself, and hopefully every woman who reads it, that you are enough....just as you are! Sometimes we find ourselves in a panicked and frenzied state of always trying, and never getting to that place of enough. Or on the other end, we simply give up...no longer trying to be our best. Either way we are miserable. The happiest place to be is that place of knowing you are enough, but allowing your hunger and thirst for life, experience and knowledge to propel you forward, always progressing.

I am excited to share my story and the beauty that I am finally finding in myself, because if there is beauty in me and that beauty is enough....I am certain the same goes for you!

Cinderella Goes to the Ball

2011-05-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my darling sisters-in-law asked me if I would be willing to help them with decorations for their school dance!  We live in a small speck of a town, with little to no budget for things like this.  The dances are held in the small fire station and making it beautiful is kind of a challenge (a major challenge), but of course I was willing, and on the night of the dance we popped in for a peek at the fun!

I told Emilee that she could wear her Cinderella dress to the dance, but that we were only going to stay for a few minutes.  She didn't care that the time was short, both she and Adeline soaked up the magic, and like any princess at the Ball....they danced the night away.

Our few minutes turned into close to an hour, and I'm sure the high school kids were wondering why a couple of tiny tots were crashing the party.  But before long the clock struck bedtime and the magic faded as two sleeping beauties were escorted home in their royal carriage!

And luckily for us....they slept happily ever after!

Celebrating Mother

2011-05-07T09:12:00.000-07:00

I love this print by j. kirk richards.

I decided a couple of years ago, that Mother's day would be a day that I would celebrate no matter who else chooses to honor me on that day!  

I remember being young, making a card, or purchasing a cheaply made gift for my beautiful mother.  My attempts to show my appreciation always seemed inadequate.....and they were.  The sad thing is, my mother always hated Mother's Day.  I don't know all of the reasons, but I think it had something to do with feeling like her children and husband were forced to thank her and finally acknowledge all she does for our family.  I am sure it felt so contrived and somewhat insincere to her. 

I remember a period of time where every year, when asked what she would like for Mother's Day (which we shouldn't need to ask anyway), her answer was always "I'd love just one day with none of my children fighting".  Then she would walk away with a deep sigh.

Motherhood is a tough job.  There is no denying that, but what breaks my heart is when we start to feel so under appreciated, and/or inadequate, that we would rather altogether avoid any mention or celebration of our role as mother.

The first couple years Tyler and I were married I would awake on Mother's Day morning with a buzz of womanly excitement.  I knew I wasn't technically a mother yet, but I was a wife, which put me on the right path.  

I would secretly hope for breakfast in bed.  A heartfelt note......even just a "Happy Mother's Day" would do.......but nothing.  I finally confronted my disappointment and asked my sweet husband, who is always so thoughtful, why he hadn't even wished me a happy Mother's Day.  "Well, you're not my mother.....you're not even a mother at all!"  GASP!  Did my ears really hears such an unromantic response?  Wow!  I was shocked!  Could it be that we don't fully grasp the depth of meaning behind Mother's Day?  I could already feel a small part of the frustration my poor mother must have felt for all those years!  It was then and there that I decided  Mother's day would be a day of self celebration!  I would treat MYSELF like a queen that day!  I would take pause and honor the gift God has given me to create life, beauty, and well-being.  I would  look myself in the eyes and tell myself how valued and appreciated I am!  And I would spend some time alone, on my knees, seeking the validation that only the Lord can give.

I know that over the years, my family will celebrate Mother's Day. There will be breakfast in bed. I will come home from church with a pretty pink geranium, and read hand made cards from my babies, and my hope is my children will give me at least one day with no one fighting! What I'm really hoping for the most though, is that I will always honor my role as mother and give myself the gift of recognizing how truly blessed I am.

I feel so fortunate to have been asked to share some thoughts on motherhood over at Empowering LDS Women, please go check it out!

Happy Mother's Day!

Five Cozy Cottages

2011-05-05T13:24:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love a beautiful mansion with vaulted ceilings and high walls filled with great works of art. I acknowledge the impact of a grand staircase and heavy looming doors with ornate handles. I appreciate the vastness of a space filled only the finest pieces of furniture and decor, but I have recently concluded that that kind of lifestyle is not for me. I am a much too cozy person to ever wish for something so grand. What I do wish for though, is a beautiful cottage home. Five of them in fact! (What? Excessive?)

If I were blessed with great wealth (which I am in many ways), I wouldn't build a mansion on a hill, I would instead purchase five cozy cottages.

a country cottage

a city cottage

a mountain cottage

a European cottage 

and a cottage by the sea

They would all be filled with beautiful things.  Every room warm and lived in.  Lovely linens, inspiring art, color, softness, and surroundings that tell the story of a happy life.

When I was a child, I always loved the image of a fairy tale cottage nestled deep in the woods.  The coziness of a simple and happy life has always appealed to me. 

Although five little cottages would give me a place to call home in each of my favorite places, I am completely content with one.  

A worn down desert cottage in a lovely shade of pink is where we currently live.  And I must admit, I have never thought of this place as a dream home, but it is sweet and cozy in its own little way.  Emilee loves the fact that we live in a pink house, and life is always a fairy tale to her.

I think that in all of my dreaming it is good to stop and realize that I AM living my dream. It is less about where I am, and more about the way I see things. From now on, everywhere we live will be my dream home, and I will be the creator of my cottage.

*cottage images from here

Being a Latter-Day Saint (Mormon)

2011-04-26T13:12:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, Joni Martin, asked me to write a post on her blog, Hope's Journey!  I was thrilled and honored.  The assignment was to answer a few questions about my religion and how my belief in God has influenced my life.

I love what Joni is doing!  She is highlighting several religions, as she looks into their beliefs and gains a better understanding of women around the world and how their beliefs guide them from day to day.  I have read some of her blog and have found it to be very very fascinating!

If you'd like to read my post visit Joni's blog, Hope's Journey!

....than never to have loved at all

2011-04-21T15:17:00.000-07:00

I spent a few hours in Cedar City recently, attending the bridal shower of my soon to be sister-in-law.  On our way to the shower we drove past an old apartment building.  The very same apartment building I lived in 14 years ago.  

A rush of emotion that I wasn't expecting, flowed through my heart, and suddenly, I could see my 19 year old self standing on the sidewalk watching our car drive by.

I realized that this little college town left a huge emotional mark on my life.  My short time there gave me my first introduction to living in the moment.  Somehow I was able to know and feel how amazing and meaningful my experiences were while I was experiencing them, not afterward, but right there in the middle of it all.  I think of myself with all of my insecurities and hopes.....everything that laid before me, and how excited I was to grow into myself.

I got to spend nearly every precious moment with my cousins that year.  I got to live out on my own for the very first time, and I got to feel love in a way I had never felt love. 

He was a neighbor boy, and I adored him.  I laid awake at night thinking about his smile, and the way his blue eyes peered out from under the brim of his baseball cap.  He asked me questions about myself and he shared his french fries with me.  He was charming, kind and funny and my heart ached for him to love me......even just a little bit.  I think he knew, and I think a tiny part of his heart did love me, but always in a distant way.  He watched out for me, checked up on me, asked me my opinion, and I waited patiently for him to realize that I was the girl he loved more than any other girl.  Looking back now, I was so silly and young.  I wasn't ready to be that girl.  I loved, but I also pushed away.

The last time I saw him, was right before my mission.  I was visiting Cedar City, and my cousins and I made him some cookies, just like we used to.  We delivered them, and he was warm and kind and once again my heart ached.  After a while he gave me a hug and said, "I guess I'll see you in a year and a half".  When I returned home a year and a half later, I found out he was married, and once again I couldn't breath.  All of my hoping and waiting stared back at me, finally telling me the truth.  I would never be that girl....not for him.

I think it is funny that my first great love, wasn't anything more than a friend.  It wasn't some passionate love affair gone wrong.....I just simply loved him.  Something in our interactions always kept me hoping, that possibly he felt the same.  He always showed me just enough attention and emotional affection to keep me hanging on....and waiting.  I know it may seem silly, but there was something about this boy that bonded my heart to him.  I have since wondered if we are in fact bonded to some people in ways we are not able to remember.  If possibly that smile and those eyes were familiar to me before I ever met him here. 

Two nights this week I have seen him in my dreams.  I have been reminded that he is still there.  His memory still bouncing around in my heart somewhere.  

The good news is, I know how it feels to be loved.  Real reciprocated love.  My life is good and my heart is Tyler's, but sometimes the haunting begins and for a short time, I wonder where he is now, what he is doing.  I wonder if he ever loved me and just didn't know how to tell me.  I have made a few attempts to reconnect with him, but none have been answered.  And so I wonder.

Love is a much bigger thing than me, and I am so grateful to know what it feels like. I am a feeling person, and when I love you.....I love you. I guess it doesn't really matter if I have been loved as much as I HAVE loved. Love can be lasting, even when it is not given back. I have known rejection....a lot of rejection, and I think I have created more of it than I realize, but knowing love and knowing pain remind me I am alive.

I have spent so much of my time guarding my heart over the years. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to foolishly give something that isn't wanted, but the truth is love is a risky business, and at some point along the way I decided to be a risk taker. Who cares if I have to feel pain in the process.

My discovery is that it IS better to have loved and lost, because when it comes the experience of love, there really isn't anything to lose.

Wish List

2011-04-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

I have a constant wish list in my mind and heart.  It consists of pretty things, books, places, flavors and experiences, and this week I have added two new items!

I found both of these things on the blog decor8, one of my favorite design blogs!  

The first are a handful of beautiful prints created by Katie Daisy and sold in her etsy shop The Wheat Field!  I love her designs.  The beautiful colors and especially the words!  They are bright and inspiring and I NEED some in my home!

The  second is a book by Meredith Gaston called "Tucked In".  This sweet  little book takes a look at all of the little things surrounding and supporting the  blissful experience of sleep. 

  I love this description of her book.

“Bed needn’t be a place just for sleeping. Whether you are young or old,  nimble or wobbly, tucked into bed on the doctor’s orders or on your  very own whim, you can use your time in bed to explore your creativity  and heal your soul. Meredith Gaston, artist and passionate lover of all  things bed, encourages us to discover that our tucked-in time can be as  creative as it is restorative, enriching our days and bringing joy to  our lives. We learn how to analyse our dreams and find out what our  sleeping positions reveal about our personalities, as well as creating  our own tucked-in haiku poetry, comfort foods and dream catchers. Simply  snuggle back, relax, and be guided through a world of tea cup cosies,  shadow puppets, favourite bed socks and eclectic sleepy facts. The  perfect gift for the bedbound or balm for the world-weary, Tucked In is  sure to uplift, soothe and inspire.”

Photos taken from decor8
It would be the perfect book to keep on my night stand and inspire me into a deep satisfying slumber! Heaven knows I could use a deep and satisfying slumber from time to time!

For the Birds

2011-04-12T10:17:00.000-07:00

Photo with Grandma five years ago on my wedding day

I stood in a hospital room, dimly lit, quiet, warmed with the love of family. 

We drove varying distances to be there, each of us pushing our way swiftly down the road, trying to beat the inevitable last breath of a life we have all cherished, some of us not realizing how deeply until this very moment.

Just days before, I stood in another room..... her living room.  Hovering over Grandma as she pulled her weak shaky body to it's feet.  She paused half way up, holding tightly to her cane, "This getting old......is for the birds".  She shook her head and looked up at me with tired brown eyes.  "I know Grandma".  She has been saying that for years.  

I helped her bathe, dress, and gather up the things she would need for her visit to the hospital for a sleep test she had been dreading for months.  Early the next morning she would travel on to my mother's house where she would stay....... maybe for good.  "Sharon isn't feeling well enough to care for me, and your mother refuses to put me in a home, so I guess I'll be staying with her".  I can tell she feels like a burden already.  "Grandma, you are at that point in your life where it is time to surrender and allow someone to take care of you, there is nothing wrong with that, just enjoy it".

Emilee plays quietly with Legos and Adeline lays on the couch sucking her thumb.  I water the plants and gather up Grandma's crocheting supplies, so she can finish up her last afghan when she gets to my mom's.  I ask if there is anything else she needs.  She takes my girls in her arms, one at a time, holding them on her lap.  She comments on their beauty, their growth, the differences in their personalities.  She tells them that she loves them, that they are special.   They smile and beam!

I give Grandma a small squeeze and a kiss.  I tell her I love her, wish her luck on her hospital test, and then, just like a million times before I turn and walk toward the creaky red door, only this time a feeling comes over me half way through the kitchen.  This is it.  This is the last time you will walk away from this familiar scene.  This is the last time you'll see her sitting in her squeaky rust colored chair.   The last time you will hear the T.V. filling in the silence of her lonely home.

I just kept walking refusing to believe it.  I knew Grandma would be coming back with my mom to gather up the rest of her things, and I would be with her then.  I would soak everything in and take millions of mental pictures.  I would be ready then, but not now.

The feeling was right.....and I was wrong.

The next morning when Robert called to tell me he was pulled out of his sleep to the sound of Grandma calling for help, which then turned into her passing out in his arms, her heart stopping on the way to the hospital, the paramedics bringing her back to life and her now lying sedated with tubes down her throat in the hospital, I felt my heart tighten into a painful knot of regret. 

Not just regret about not hugging her one more time, but a much much deeper regret.  I loved my Grandma deeply, but I have a little bit of her stubbornness in me, and sometimes I refused to love with all of my heart.  I held on a little too tightly to hurtful things that had happened in the past.  I was a little too judgmental.  I built a wall, and often justified my luke-warmness, as though somehow she, being imperfect, didn't deserve my complete and generous love.  I kind of kept her at a distance.

As I stood at the side of her hospital bed, I silently thanked the Lord, for his tender mercy.  For allowing me one more chance to show love, to give love.  To say I'm sorry.....to say good-bye.

The tubes were taken out, and Grandma was alert and able to speak in a soft whisper. We spent a long night, gearing up over and over for the end.  We sang songs, all of us, no matter what had happened in the past, we sang for Grandma, we shared memories.....good memories.  We laughed and cried.  We held each other and we held her hands. 

Grandma's heart was a heart that had been broken over and over in her nearly 86 years of life, and now she lay in a bed with a physically broken heart, a heart that was failing and yet I don't think her heart had ever been more filled with love and contentment.  I imagine her silently counting each of her family members.  She always did that at family gatherings.  Grandma loved nothing more than being surrounded by family, and that is exactly how she left this life and I'm sure that is how she was received into the next.

I got to be there.  I walked into her hospital room on Friday April 1, 2011 at 10:25 a.m. and witnessed her last breath.  The room was still, silent and sacred. I cried.

I miss my Grandma, and tomorrow I will go back to her home for the first time.  I am trying to prepare myself.  The empty chair, the silence, the memories.  My lesson in all of this is that holding back......is for the birds.  Loving wholly and completely, even when we are hurt is what God intends for us and in the end the only thing that matters.

So many things on my mind

2011-03-24T19:57:00.000-07:00

The flu/cold/diarrhea  monster has been holding my family hostage for what feels like months.  Cycle after cycle of torture and harsh treatment has had me working overtime administering Tylenol, Vics, essential oils, echinacea and of course replenishing fluids, cleaning up fluids, wiping boogers, wiping butts, and wiping up messes of all sorts until I have not a single ounce of energy left to take care of anything else......like myself.

This motherhood gig is tough I tell ya! 

And yet as I am up all hours of the night consoling the inconsolable and patting their tiny backs while they cough themselves silly, I think of those mothers in other parts of the world, whose homes are no longer standing, who console a different kind of inconsolable and who are fighting a fight I know nothing about.  I pray for them....that sleep will come to their weary eyes and comfort to their hearts.

We all have our challenges and tonight I am so very grateful to have mine.

Beautiful For Me

2011-03-03T11:32:00.000-08:00

This has been a fun week! The fun started last weekend when we had a birthday bash for Emilee at my sister's house! Our hearts were completely filled up with friends and family and festivities! I'll write a whole post about it tomorrow.

On Sunday we came home from a busy, exciting weekend, and along with fatigue and fun memories, we brought along our niece for a week long stay in the country!

We have kept up a daily routine of snacking, playing, watching movies, doing puzzles, coloring pictures, fighting over toys and tattling! Then the the nightly ritual of dinner, dance party, bath time, cheese & crackers, bed time stories and then laying little sleepy princesses into their beds for the night.

This morning they were watching a Veggie Tales movie called "Sweet Pea Beauty". It was playing in the living room while I worked around the house. I know the message was about working more on our inner beauty and worrying less about they way we look on the outside, but I didn't catch a whole lot of the story. The thing I did notice was the beautiful song that played during the closing credits. It made me think of these photos taken on Sunday night at Emilee's birthday dinner with Tyler's family. Three little faces completely content and excited about life, beaming and beautiful, just as Heavenly Father created them to be!

I can't stand the thought of them ever feeling less than beautiful! I don't ever want them to look at their sweet little faces and not be able to see what I see in them now.... what I will always see. It must be so painful for our Heavenly Father to watch his daughters feel less than the "beautiful" he created us to be! I am working hard to be a better example to my daughters in this way! I am finally starting to believe that if Heavenly Father didn't think we were beautiful just the way we are, he wouldn't have created us this way. My new goal is to be beautiful for him!

I'm back......

2011-03-01T09:57:00.000-08:00

.....and I feel like I just woke up from a night of no sleep! I look like it too! The last month or so has been a whirlwind of emotion, change, experience and growth! I might be exhausted, but I am exhausted and happy!

Previous to my "Blog Fast", I challenged myself to go for 40 days without any sweets. During that time, I found I really didn't need chocolate as much as I always thought I did.

Blogs, however; are an entirely different craving for me. I realize that I crave information, connection, creativity, and good writing! I love learning about other people's lives, interests, aspirations and accomplishments. Blogs inspire me! I have missed them.

In their absence though, I have learned that I have a big problem with balance. Learning to enjoy all things in moderation is a big deal to me, but right now I am not very good at it. I have also learned that I tend to go unconscious at times, turning to outside sources to avoid fully living my own life. I am not fully present in every moment. I realized this, when I was finding myself spending too much time reading, or watching movies when I couldn't turn to the blogs I usually escape to. Why would I do this? I don't know! I have a beautiful life filled with love and purpose and yet I seem to keep myself at a distance from everything I love. Hmmm....interesting.

I am learning to be more aware of who I am and how I am spending my time. I am trying not to judge myself....just observe and notice. During the last 40 days, a lot of wonderful new things have happened. My life is headed in a new and exciting direction, and I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for giving me such an abundant and full life! It's my choice to accept it though. I think the Lord is offering all of us every good thing we desire.....we just have to ask for it and then make the choice to take it!

I highly recommend sacrificing something you might be holding on to a little too tightly. Stretch yourself. Take the time to step back and look at your life and behavior a little more closely. I promise the Lord will show you the parts that need to be let go of, and the best part, is he will replace those parts with the thing you really want......happiness!

Blog Stalkers Annonymous

2011-01-19T14:18:00.000-08:00

I know I don't write on my own blog very regularly, but I'm what you might call "blog obsessed".  I could read other people's blogs all day everyday and quite honestly (and unfortunately), sometimes I do.  Food blogs, design blogs, mommy blogs, lifestyle blogs....blogs.....blogs....blogs......ahhhhh!  I love them....I love them and I need them! 

(Hanging my head) It's true..I am an addict.

It is becoming disturbingly clear that while I love and adore my babies and long to squeeze and kiss my husband, my heart (at least a significant piece of it) is almost always somewhere in the blogosphere and not here in my  home with my family where it belongs.  

As with any addiction, my blog reading has robbed me of time and slowly taken over my life.  When other people are using the computer I get antsy waiting for my turn to log in and see if NieNie has updated or what C. Jane has to say or what's cookin' with the Pioneer Woman.  It's good stuff I tell ya.....all of it!  And I must read it....every.....single.....bit of it, or I don't feel like my life is complete.

Weird.  Sad.  Pathetic.  Embarrassing.  I don't know exactly what the right word for it is, but it is time to take my life back, and so I am making my own "Blog Intervention".  I will be abstaining from all blogs, including my own and FaceBook  for 40 days.  I will only be using the computer to do banking and check my emails and things like that.  

Phew.  This is tough.  

What will I do with myself? Get something productive done for a change? Maybe complete some projects, organize my home and work more on my dreams and goals and spirituality.  What if my marriage improves and I read to my children more.....what then?  Am I going to be able to handle a life where I am the one creating and living and loving rather than reading about other people doing it?  In 40 days I'll come back and let you know!

One of my favorite scriptures says, "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." (Matthew 6:1)

My family is my treasure, and it's funny how quickly we can become distracted and out of balance if we are not careful.  All things in their proper place....that is where I am headed.  Fully invested.  Available.  Present.

The blog break starts tomorrow! Wish me luck!

Dreams by Firelight

2011-01-10T15:07:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago Tyler and I made a decision.  Move out the couch and move in the treadmill!  We thought it was a good idea...until we wanted to sit down!  

Our living room is small and doesn't really accommodate a couch and a treadmill, so....we moved in our bed!!

After celebrating the "New York" new year (10:00 p.m MST) with Royce, Lupe, Adolfo and Blake, we brought our girlies home and put them to bed, then......we heaved and pushed and pulled our awkwardly heavy dead weight mattress through our hall and into the living room, where we ushered in the real new year (12:00 a.m. MST) with a movie, cheese and crackers, sangria and our cozy bed!  Hooray for the new year!

Originally the "move" was just for New Year's eve, but it ended up staying until yesterday, and it was fun having a living room with a bed and a treadmill.  It made me feel like a young newly wed, or a college kid, or like I was living in a tiny studio apartment in New York City!

By day my girls and I would snuggle and eat popcorn and watch movies and color and read stories and jump and dance and by night Tyler and I would sleep by the flicker of our warm cozy fire! 

This first week of the new year was fun and spontaneous and different, I like to think it is a precursor to what lies ahead for us this year!

Throughout the week I sat on our bed and recorded my hopes and dreams for the year, and I started my gratitude journal which has already brought a spirit of excitement and awareness into my life.

Eventually the bed needed to go back to the bedroom....where I guess it belongs, because now it's time to get down to business and make all of those hopes and dreams come true!

In my day dreams

2011-01-06T13:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I discovered Janet Hill Studio on Etsy, and my heart leaped and twirled and finished off the happy dance with with some jazz hands!!

I love all things pretty and feminine, and she has got pretty and feminine all figured out! This art work is beautiful!  Janet paints the world exactly as it is in my daydreams and inspires me to make my dreams a reality!

Go here to see more! 

We all have a part in the Christmas Story

2010-12-27T15:09:00.000-08:00

Here is a little Christmas poem I wrote for my Primary kids!

To live a life as pure and clean as little Jesus did, 

is hard to do for me and you,

we make mistakes and sin.

But when we make a promise to take upon his name--

to hear his charge to change our hearts, 

and let his spirit in....

we will shine as brightly as the star on Christmas night,

and guide all those around us to his pure and perfect light.

And like the holy angels, who sang about his birth,

we can tell the story of his coming to the earth.

We can kneel before him, as the lowly shepherds did,

and give our hearts and all we have

like the wise men gave their gifts.

We were not there that holy night, to hear the angels sing.

But we're here NOW to share the LOVE of our 

Savior, Lord and King!!

The Christmas Grump!

2010-12-27T14:29:00.000-08:00

I was really  grouchy on Christmas day this year!  I just couldn't get into the fun and excitement.  I tried, but my heart was somewhere far away.  I felt like I wanted to burst out bawling and throw myself into bed for the remainder of the day.  I was completely lonely in a house filled with people I love and I felt like there was no one who could understand how I was feeling.

I felt burdened with weird emotions, frustrations, annoyances and hard feelings that I just couldn't shake.  The more I felt them, the angrier I got with myself for feeling so weird and for choosing Christmas day, of all days to throw my inner pity party.  It was a lame party....let me tell ya.

Just the night before I had made a personal commitment to be more grateful for all of the good and "not so good" in my life, and here I was, already feeling sorry for myself and finding it most difficult to be happy on the happiest day of the year!

Tyler dropped me off at home in the afternoon to put the girls down for their naps, and then he quickly returned to his parent's house to play games and hang out with his family!  I was trying my hardest to hold all of my emotions down, just waiting to let them burst after he shut the door, but he paused on his way out to thank me for the Christmas gift I had given him this year (which was very sweet of him), and I couldn't hold it in for another second and burst into tears!  I wouldn't even accept his offer for a hug and just told him to go.

I had a good, hard, deep cry letting out all of my sadness and bitterness.  Sadness and bitterness that had a million origins. I didn't even know all of it existed until then.  When I look back at it, I can see that it had been building up for a long time, little aches and pains in my heart that I didn't really know what to do with, so I'd just grit my teeth and try not to lash out in anger.

After my cry I just sat on the couch thinking about how I was feeling.  Why was everything hurting me like it was?  I still don't know for sure.  What I do know is that sometimes life hurts....it just does.  People are imperfect and we ourselves are imperfect, and sometimes our expectations don't line up with the desires and behavior of others.  People hurt us without even meaning to, and the unfortunate truth is some people are just a little too selfish.  It's all okay though, because we are learning.  We are all in need of repentance and forgiveness and on that day when we celebrated the birth of our Savior, I realized once again, just what he means to me.  How constantly I need him, and how all of the sadness and bitterness he took upon himself, was to allow me the choice to leave it with him, and not have to carry it all on my own.

Truly something to celebrate!

Fine and Fancy

2010-12-20T14:13:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl, my mom used to tell me I'd need to marry a wealthy man to please my taste for pretty and expensive things!  She used to say it with a tone in her voice that made me feel badly about my love of all things fine and fancy!  

As I've grown into a woman, I realize I don't need a wealthy man, but rather a man who loves the fact that beautiful things speak to my heart and when possible, honors my desire to be surrounded by that beauty.

For quite some time, I have admired a work of art entitled "For This Child I Prayed" by Elspeth Young.  It is a moving depiction of Hannah and the baby Samuel from the bible.  I have always loved the story of this brave woman who longed for the role of motherhood and promised the Lord that the child would be his, if he would just bless her with a son.  What a faithful and beautiful woman Hannah was!  I love a good story of feminine strength!!

This piece of art expresses something I feel deeply as a mother! It warms my heart with all of the joy and gratitude I feel for the babies I love!  It is more than art.  To me it is a masterpiece and whenever something touches me this deeply, I long to have it in my home. 

A month or so ago, Tyler surprised me with this very painting and reminded me that enjoying the things that move your heart is an important part of this life.  Wealthy (which he is in so many ways), or not, my sweetheart has blessed me with many beautiful things over the years, and I love him so deeply for that.

I was reading a book about Marjorie Pay Hinckley a short time ago, where she tells a story of one of her travels to a distant and not so prosperous land.  She entered the tiny, modest home of a family and saw up on a high shelf a simple pitcher filled with plastic flowers!!  It put a smile on her face to see a mother doing her part to beautify her home.....even if it is with one vase of fake flowers!

As women, we put the final touch on our home, and creating a place of warmth and beauty is a part of utilizing our creative power! "Fine and fancy" is in the eye of the beholder. What is beautiful to me may not be to you. The point I am trying to make here though,is that it's okay to love something beautiful.....that is what we were created to do!!

The Great Gratitude Experience

2010-12-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

I am on a quest for complete joy and connection in my life, and I've had a brilliant idea!  This is a brilliant idea for MY situation and MY needs, but I think it applies to everyone and I want to share it and invite everyone I know to join in!

I am calling it "The Great Gratitude Experience of 2011", and my goal this new year is to blow my gratitude into a great big epic ball of energy that will heal myself, my family and the whole world!!! 

A little too ambitious?  Perhaps, but I honestly feel that if we can put more focus on giving thanks to God and those around us for what we DO have, amazing transformations can take place in our lives and I am set on proving that to myself in this next year of my life!!

2010 has been a beautiful year for me!  I think I can say I am a better version of myself now, having experienced this year!  I have so much to be grateful for.....we all do, and it serves us a great deal, to look for those things and then actually give thanks for them!

"Do we want our homes to be happy? If we do, let them be the abiding place of prayer, thanksgiving and gratitude"  

~President George Albert Smith 1944  

And who wants a happy home?  Hello.......all of us!

"Gratitude is a Spirit‑filled principle. It opens our minds to a  universe permeated with the richness of a living God. Through it, we  become spiritually aware of the wonder of the smallest things, which  gladden our hearts with their messages of God's love. This grateful  awareness heightens our sensitivity to divine direction. When we  communicate gratitude, we can be filled with the Spirit and connected to  those around us and the Lord. Gratitude inspires happiness and carries  divine influence."  

~Bonnie D. Parkin  2007

By being grateful, we become better people, and the beautiful thing is that it opens us up to receive those things we actually are lacking or desperately needing in our lives!

So here is my idea!

1- Buy yourself a journal, or notebook or stack of paper, and the first assignment is to simply write out exactly what you wish your life could look like.  This is your big chance to vent about all of the things that are lacking in your life, but instead of writing about what you don't have just write up a description of the way you want your life to look!  Include the type of person you wish to be as well.

2 - Find yourself a "Gratitude Buddy", someone who wants to participate in this with you.

3 - Everyday at some point write down at least 5 things you are grateful for that day.  

4- When you say your prayers be sure to give thanks to Heavenly Father for the good things you have noticed during your day!

5 - Once a week email or text your list from the week (up to 20 things) to your Gratitude Buddy, and they should email their list to you.  What this does is hopefully create an energy of optimism in your life.  If you want to, you can email your list to a whole group of people!

6 - At the end of the year look at that first page you wrote, about all of the things you hope for, and see how much closer you are to having that life, and to being that person!!

My guess is that it will "surprise you what the Lord has done"! (Count Your Many Blessings)

We don't need to dwell so much on what is lacking in our lives, or how  badly we feel things are going, or the ever popular....I'll be happy  when....statements! It seems like we spend too much time discussing all of our problems and disappointments with those around us, which isn't always bad, it is good to have friends to lean on and support us through trials, but what if we shifted our focus off of our lack and placed in on our blessings?  I guarantee our desire to complain will go down, and we will be blessed beyond what we think possible!!

"And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more." ~Doctrine and Covenants 78:19

So are you with me?

Angry Thighs

2010-11-30T14:17:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen a picture of yourself, and thought, "WHO IS THAT?"  

It happened to me on our trip to Oregon.  We were going over some pictures from the beach and I kept thinking, who is that plump lady playing with my children?  When I realized it was me, I felt my heart sink.  I didn't even recognize myself.

During the last few months, my body has packed on a significant amount of extra weight, and I have felt almost powerless to stop it.  It started during my training for the 5K this last summer, and it hasn't slowed down!  It feels like it is on some kind of mission to bust out of every pair of pants and stretch out every sweater I own!  I've done a lot of thinking and analyzing my situation, and it seems as though my body is crying out for my attention.  It seems it is looking for acceptance, patience, love.  All the things I haven't been giving it, and so......it is acting out, it is rebelling, and it is waiting for me to accept it, no matter how big it is!!

In the book, "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay, she talks about different parts of the body and the possible emotions they are holding on to.  One thing that stood out to me was a comment she made about "big, fat, angry thighs filled with childhood resentments."  I had to reread it a few times!  My thighs are one of the places I have always carried extra weight, and the theory is that there are emotions stored in different parts of the body. One of the places anger is stored is in the thighs!  

Yikes!

If this is true, I really feel sorry for my thighs!  They have been carrying around my anger, suffering with the heavy load, which right now.....is heavier than ever!  I don't feel that angry on a conscious level, but it would not surprise me to know that anger is festering deep down inside.  The sad part is that my thighs continue to grow, they are bumping into furniture, knocking down small children, and making a tight fit out of everything.

Growing thighs make me feel panicky, like I'm in a fight I just can't win, and the more I dwell on it, the weaker I become. 

The other day, while doing my hair, a scripture came to my mind, so I went and looked it up. As I read it, I felt the spirit explain to me that I have been battling against my body, when in reality there is only one enemy. He works night and day to shift the focus off of him, and onto something that is not even the real problem. My body is not the enemy and just like so many other areas of my life, it is just lacking my love and attention. In order for it to heal, I must trust it, and treat it with respect. And if I must battle (and battle we must), the fight should be for my family because that is my job, and everyday it requires my faith and vigilance. There is no time to compare my angry thighs to any other person's.

And who knows, maybe they won't be so angry when I quit picking on them so much!

Someone to love

2010-11-18T14:57:00.000-08:00

Isn't love amazing?  I mean really!  I've watched my two girls, from the moment they are old enough to grasp a soft bear or dolly, hold and cuddle and kiss them just as though they knew they were born to love.  Their little caring hearts long to nurture everything soft and warm.

I know some women are more nurturing than others, but the gift of warmth and the need to comfort is innate, and I don't think anything puts a smile on my face faster than seeing love in its purest most organic form.  It is this love from my children that heals me and puts me in my place.  It whispers that there is a God.  A home in a faraway and lovely place, that our babies are sent to remind us of.

Charming Babies

2010-11-11T16:03:00.000-08:00

While we were driving the streets of Coos Bay and North Bend last week, we saw the cutest little house for sale! I gasped, and told Tyler "we just had to buy it". He said something like, "Well I guess we could walk up to the door and show them our charming babies" to which I replied, "Who wouldn't want to sell their home to someone with charming babies? It will be ours for sure!"

Hungry for Sand

2010-11-10T10:16:00.000-08:00

For me, the coast is magical, and I think I know the magic my girls felt as they ran barefoot on the beach, dug their tiny fingers in the cool sand and gathered sea shells, sticks and rocks in their tight little fists and bulging pockets.

They ran, skipped, waddled, jumped, twirled, splashed and reveled in the grandeur and magnificence of the world around them.

Rewind to my twentieth birthday. The day I entered a new decade of life, I also boarded a plane and flew to Los Angeles to be a nanny!  It was there where I fell in love with the beach and the wind and the waves!  During that year we lived in Vancouver BC for a short time.  On a day off, we took a day trip to the near by mountains!  We rode a gondola up.....higher and higher until everything was covered in a thick white snow!  The soft white made everything feel slow and quiet.  As we stepped off the gondola, we stepped into a winter wonderland!  Children were bundled in mittens and snow caps.  They laughed and chased each other around on a small ice skating pond.  A horse drawn carriage brimming with rosy cheeked faces trotted through the trees.  There was skiing, sledding, and a beautiful mountain lodge to escape the wintry nip and warm yourself with a huge mug of hot chocolate.  It was a scene from a Norman Rockwell calendar.  Complete perfection.

At the conclusion of our afternoon in the clouds we worked our way back to the valley and ended our day on the beach.  My young heart pounded as I stood face to face with the crashing waves. The cold wind sent my hair whipping out behind me free and wild.  All of us held hands and screamed into ocean, something we often did together.  It was therapeutic, and in the end always turned into laughter.  On that day I felt so small in a big world.  I knew I was small, but I also knew I was an important part of this big picture!!  I felt like the Grinch with a heart that grew and grew until it would burst.  I wasn't a Grinch....just a changed person.   I had a new love for the world I lived in.  That day I grew hungry for sand and waves and trees and mountains and worlds within this world that I had not yet seen.  

A traveler was born.

Our trip to the Oregon coast reawakened this sense of wonder and awe at the creation God offered as our home.  We are lucky.....so lucky.

Our days on the beach were magic.  The warmth and sun and cool breeze in November where so unusual and I took it as a big "I love you" from a generous Father in Heaven.  

As we wandered the small trail away from the shore, Emilee whispered in my ear...."Mama, I'm hungry for sand".  I smiled.

A traveler is born.

A Life Near The Sea

2010-11-08T15:19:00.000-08:00

Howard and Haroldene live near the sea, in a perfectly charming blue house with blue walls, and even a blue hard wood floor.  Surrounded by rose bushes and knick-knacks and walls lined with books and photo albums, you can't help but feel the history and stories that make up their beautiful life together.

 Their faithful companion, Rosie, scurries about under foot and excitedly greets us with heavy panting and rough doggy kisses.  

My girls are in heaven.....and so am I.  

It is our first time meeting this part of our family.  Tyler has told us of their wit and chemistry......how together they make the perfect couple.....the perfect grandparents.  The type who dote on you and make you feel like the most lovable creature in all the world.  Being there in their presence only proved him right.

Emilee collapses in slumber on a nearby chair, completely worn out from our travels and adventures, as the rest of us enjoy a slide show.  You know, with the slide projector and one of those old white screens.  It is absolutely perfect!  Each slide that flashes by paints the picture of grandma's dream.   

To live in a look out tower on a mountain top.  

As the story goes, she took a job in her fifties, for the forest service at a forest fire look out.  She and her dog Maggie lived on the mountain every summer for ten years, and grandpa would visit on the weekends.  Grandma was good at her job, and living a dream made everything magic.  A tiny cabin perched on a cliff, equipped with wood burning stove, the perfect mountain view and dotted with vases full of wild flowers.  It was her home....and she made it her own.  Everything was more beautiful because she had been there. 

I smiled, listening to them talk over each other, hastily trying to include every detail, then grandpa would apologize for interrupting and both would sit in silence for a moment waiting for the other to finish the story. They were so proud of their life together and the things they accomplished were important to us, because they were important to them.

Their stories made me cherish my own.  It made me realize that my life is the story I will someday tell my grandchildren and great grandchildren.  

Grandma's health has been failing in the last few years, and as a result Grandpa has taken over all of the household duties.  Watching him take care of his sweetheart was so touching.  It was evident that their years together had forged a love for her in his heart that was real and deep and long suffering.  On the first night we were there I came into the kitchen to dish some dinner up for Tyler.  Grandpa quickly thanked me for "taking care of my guy", reminding me that when we love someone we must serve them.  His example taught me this more than anything he could ever say.

As we backed out of their drive way on a Friday afternoon, the image of them sending us on our way, filled me up completely.  I knew I had been given something valuable.  I had been tutored in love and encouraged by a wisdom greater than my own.  I think I saw more clearly the value of family and how we are all in this together!

Grandma and Grandpa,

I loved sharing a small part of your life near the sea!  Everything about our visit inspired love and restored the magic of adventure in me!  You showed me what it means to be generous and inspired me to take care of everyone and everything around me.  Thank you for all of the gifts you give.

I'll love you forever and ever.

~Michelle 

Once upon an All Hallow's Eve

2010-10-28T14:15:00.000-07:00

The year was 1999, and I was partying it up before the new millennium arrived and the world ended, computers crashed and chaos ensued....or whatever such things we were all convinced would happen!  

Partying is a term I'm using quite loosely here though, because instead of dancing on tables and lifting drinks into the air in the throes of youthful rebellion, I was at the mall buying conservative skirt and shirt combos, sensible dressy walking shoes, and toiletries galore.  I was packing bags, tying up loose ends, and preparing to make a mark on the world....... in my own little way!  

I was going to be a missionary, and my party was a going away party.

For a year and a half I would be gone.  Gone from home and family.  Gone from television, music, shopping and hanging with friends.  In the absence of familiarity I would come to know the real purpose of life, the essence of our day to day existence, the greatest source of earthly joy.  

Love and service.  

Love of God, through service to his children.  This, my friends, is the sure route to real happiness.

And so, on October 31st 1999 I spoke my farewell to a congregation of fellow believers.  The faces of my most loved and cherished beamed up at me in acceptance of my meager offering to the world.  While the rest of the world celebrated with costumes and candy, we celebrated with family and friends.

I've decided that the real trick to growing up or gracefully maturing, is simply treating yourself to things that will give you the greatest experience! 

Don't be scared of what YOU have to offer the world! No matter how small it feels....Let it shine!

You said Yes

2010-10-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

The other day Tyler was chatting with Emilee on the living room floor.  They were talking about the temple, and Tyler asked, "What do you remember about Mommy and Daddy's wedding?  I'm sure you were there."  She casually looked over at him and smiled.  "You said yes." 

We looked at each other in disbelief!  In the temple you say YES instead of I DO!  She was right.....we did say yes!

I like to think that our unborn children are allowed to witness our weddings!  What an awesome celebration it must be for them, knowing that we've made the commitment that will bring them into the world!

This conversation reminded me of a dream I had years ago!  It was one of the most vivid and real dreams I have ever had!  I kind of suspect that it was more than a dream......a memory perhaps?  In this dream I was there that rainy October day in 1977 to witness the wedding of my parents!  I saw them walking out of the temple.  I saw them happy and in love.....and so young!!  When I awoke, I felt like I had time traveled.....it was awesome!

My mother was pregnant with me two weeks after the wedding, which means if I was present at their wedding, I knew I would soon be on my way! 33 years ago on a rainy October day, my journey was about to begin!

I am forever grateful for my Mother and Father who, when asked if they would love each other for eternity, didn't hesitate to say YES!

Funny Feet

2010-10-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

When I turned 8 years old, my Dad was away at Basic Training somewhere in the Southern United States!  I missed him, and it felt like forever since I had seen him.

We spent most of the summer, while he was gone, in Garrison on my Grandma and Grandpa's ranch!  It was magic!!  Hours and hours spent outdoors, wandering, exploring, and pretending!  Playing with cousins and enjoying the freedom of childhood!

I knew that when I turned 8, it would be time for me to be baptized.  I knew this was a big deal and there was still so much for me to learn and understand about the promises I would soon be making.

I was a happy child on one hand, but I was also a worrier, I felt even at my young age, that I had a lot of things to repent of......dark and serious things.  A lot of it stemmed from fears and emotions related to things I wrote about in THIS POST.  Along with my worries, I also struggled with a lot of insecurity.

I wanted to be baptized by my father, so I waited until he returned, and on a beautiful October day I stood with my Dad, both of us dressed in white.  Now, being a Mother myself, I can imagine the feelings my parents must have felt that day.  I imagine they felt in awe at how fast the years had gone by and how quickly I had grown.

I was recently asked what I remembered about my baptism day.  I know it was a beautiful and important day.  I remember feeling so clean and shiny.  I remember a feeling of sweetness and satisfaction when I was confirmed.  The thing I remember the most though, is how I hid my feet under the pew as I listened to the talks, for fear of someone noticing my funny looking feet!  WHAT?  What 8 year old child is worried about what their feet look like?

I was. 

I don't know all of the reasons I felt ugly at such a young age.  It breaks my heart to think of my little self carrying such feelings of guilt, and embarrassment about my body.  I am still trying to work through those issues, all these years later.  The good news is, that on that October day so many years ago, I was touched by the power of the Atonement.  I was given a gift of comfort and companionship, a voice of reason in a dark world.  I knew without a doubt that I was known and loved by an all powerful and very personal Father in Heaven.

I wanted to be wherever that love was.  I wanted to find that place of safety, light, and happiness.

God has been so good to me, because even as I write this, I realize I am there.  I have so much to be grateful for! 

Little Ballerina

2010-10-22T13:54:00.000-07:00

I think I have found my new mantra!

"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

*George Eliot*

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't become a dancer?  I love to dance.  When I was a little girl, I used to pretend I was a ballerina. I would move my tiny arms in graceful movements. I would dip and twirl and daintily prance around the house.

Then I grew up, and I used to live for the weekend institute dances! The music was a call I could not ignore and the dance floor was my stage.  No one was watching, and it wasn't about attention.  It was about expression and it felt so good to move, and laugh, and live it up!!
 Now I hesitate to move my body that way and I can't quite figure it out.  I think it might be due to the extra pounds weighing me down.  It could be that I don't feel like myself anymore, and because of the embarrassment I feel for my bigger body, I've allowed areas of my heart and soul to wither away.  Parts that used to make me happy!

There are other things too, like...
Why didn't I ever try out for a play in high school, or stick with violin, or flute or guitar?  Why didn't I ever tell certain boys that I "liked" them?

Why wasn't I more generous, kind, outgoing and adventurous?  What could my life have been like?  What would I be like now?

I've wondered that from time to time.

I can't imagine God placing time limits and expiration dates on His dreams and goals.  Who knows how "old" he was when he created you.....or me.  I'm pretty sure he doesn't place limits on ours either.  That is usually our own doing.

I know this little ballerina is somewhere inside of me, even now.  And when I've found the love inside that doesn't judge my size, shape, age and limitations...

...I hope she'll dance again!

October

2010-10-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about it, and I've decided that October is my favorite month of the year.....and it's not because of Halloween, because quite frankly, I'm not that into Halloween.

No, for me it has more to do with the feeling, the color and the memories.

October is the perfect combination of warm and cold and the perfect backdrop for happiness.  You get to wear tights and jewel tones, and you don't have to wear a jacket, but you can.......if you really want to!

I remember a stormy October night 11 years ago.  It was a night of great importance in my young life.....I was going to the Temple in preparation to serve a mission, and more importantly, in preparation for the rest of my life, and all those heartfelt renditions of "I Love to see the Temple.....I'm going there someday" somehow brought me to this October night!  Inside that hallowed building I made promises to God and to myself.  Promises that I was finally ready to make and in so doing, even without noticing it, I was a different person.  It was the most beautiful thing I had experienced and it was huge and important and I felt the warmth that only the spirit can bring.  I realized that there is so much to learn, and even though I caught only a small portion of it on that first visit, I knew it was true and I knew that I was loved and important to my Heavenly Father.
On the way home, dark clouds and cold wind swirled around us, but all the cold in the world couldn't penetrate the warmth I was feeling.

It was good.

This month of October is making me feel reminiscent, and even a little emotional.  A lot of the greatest events in my life have taken place in October.  I think I will write more about them through out the remainder of the month! 

Now off to eat some pumpkin chili!

Yum

2010-10-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

Is anyone hungry for a delicious burrito baby?

The Lovely Letter

2010-10-15T14:36:00.000-07:00

I want a pen-pal!

I've been obsessed with the idea lately and I'm on a quest to revive the forgotten charm of letter writing.  

I really want to buy pretty note cards and stationary and send little bits of my heart out to an unfamiliar place.  I want to  learn about someone interesting, with good ideas and a life that is different and new!

On the other hand........I want to reconnect with familiar places.

My cousin's and I used to write letters to each other growing up.  Unfortunately I  have been so negligent when it comes to keeping in touch with people I love and care about.  

I recently went through a bunch of old boxes and found stacks and stacks of old letters from my childhood.  I only kept a handful of them, as there were too many to read and store.  In this process though, a little fire was lit inside and the need to share love and words has been swirling around inside me ever since. 

There is something so warm and nostalgic about a handwritten letter,  and it is always fun to have something real and personal waiting for you  in the mailbox.

I think it would be fun to start a club where paper, pen, envelopes and stamps carry words of love and encouragement to people all over the world. Everyone who joins would be paired up with another member and for a whole year you would send and receive a monthly letter.  It could be about anything, but it would need to be positive and inspiring.....something to look forward to receiving!

I know writing letters isn't a new idea, but It feels fresh and exciting, considering the fact that everything is digital nowadays!

If anyone can match me up with a pen-pal....please let me know!

Love,

Me

A Good Day

2010-10-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

Five years ago today I found myself in my cozy bed in a tiny Orem apartment. I was tired and didn't feel well. Lying there in the dark I sensed someone enter my room. It was Tyler, and he softly whispered for me to get up and get dressed and meet him in the living room!

"Whoa, wait......what time is it?", I thought. "How did you get into my apartment?" Everything was a swirl of confusion, sickness, and excitement! It was a Saturday, and not just any Saturday. It was General Conference Saturday, and I was excited to sleep in, and lazily lounge around the house listening to words of hope and counsel.

I jumped up and dressed in the dark, tried to comb my hair and met Tyler in the living room! He seemed nervous and excited. I couldn't say I was unaware of what was going on. It was a short time before, that I had finally agreed. It was time for us to be together forever. We hurried out to his truck and together we started toward the mountains. He had a back-pack filled with snacks and had even purchased a radio, so we could listen to the first session of conference together on top of squaw peak. As I mentioned before, I wasn't feeling well, so it didn't take long before I broke down! I felt horrible. I knew he had put a lot of thought into his plan and I knew it would all be wonderful, but I just couldn't do it! The work of hiking and climbing and straining and sweating was more than I could take considering the nausea and headache. I sobbed, not because of how I was feeling physically, but because of how I was feeling inside. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin this important day.

Together we sat on the side of the trail and he held me while I cried. We went back to the truck and he drove me home. I remember he was so sweet and so understanding. The truth was, it didn't matter where it happened. After our long and emotional journey to this point, it just felt good to have our focus on eternity.

We watched conference together. I don't really remember all of the details of the day, but I do remember that sometime after 4:00 p.m. we took a drive up Provo canyon and basked in the beauty of a changing season, both literally and figuratively. This is my favorite time of year and there is nothing like being surrounded by the warmth of Fall kissed mountains! I was in heaven!

We arrived at Sundance. We found a place to pull off the road and together we walked up into the trees. Tyler was nervous and knelt down in the leaves. A car pulled up a few yards away disturbing our peace and he quickly jumped to his feet. We quietly waited until they drove away. Again he knelt down and took my hands. He began to speak his emotional request, when quite unexpectedly a man came bursting through the bushes just a few feet away! Again Tyler jumped to his feet! We were both startled and quite surprised and laughed at the timing of the interruptions. The whole thing was kind of rushed, because Tyler had to be back by 6:00 p.m. for the Priesthood session.

Finally after much distraction and interruption, he asked me the question......and I said YES!

I know his plans for that day included something a little more beautiful and meaningful than what actually transpired, but there is a spot....a beautiful and sacred spot in the golden trees of Sundance where our lives changed, and the days that have passed from that day to this, have brought us more joy and growth than I could have ever hoped for as I stood in that spot.

Today, my heart is filled and bursting with gratitude for a man who has been willing so often to stop on the side of the trail and hold me while I struggle through our journey together. He has been willing to make alternate plans......plans that have sometimes been different than the original, but more beautiful than either of us could have ever hoped!

Love & Photographs

2010-09-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

photo taken from Love & Photographs

I have a new button on my sidebar for Love & Photographs!! I discovered this shop where you can find clothing from Anthropologie at extremely discounted prices!! I'm talking super cheap! They are used clothes, but pshhh.....they are still cute right? She sells other brands as well! You should totally check it out!

Mommy Monster

2010-09-23T14:04:00.000-07:00

Emilee has entered a new phase.....a phase of perpetual fear.  Her dreams are vivid and haunting.  Some of them have lingered until real world becomes confused with dream world, and there is no convincing her that everything is going to be alright.

Sure there are plenty of things in the real world that could hurt her, but one so little shouldn't be followed around by worry and fright. It breaks my heart to watch her lay in her bed trying to be brave with her blanket over her head as not to catch a glimpse of the scary monkey in the closet!!

I can't help but wonder if all of this fear happens to correlate to my new phase.....the scary grumpy mommy phase.

During the last few weeks I have had moments and even days that cause me to cringe and hang my head in shame. Where there should be love, patience and warmth, I have shown up with screeching disapproval and reprimands. I have snapped at the littlest of things. I have said no, when I should have, and could have said yes and I have created a home of chaos and disorder with my selfish grumpiness! No wonder my daughter stays awake at night worrying about all of the most frightening things her little imagination can conjure. How can I expect her to believe my assurances when they are bumped up against my own fears and anxiety?

Last night after I tucked my precious babies into bed, I slipped away to my own bed and looked for comfort and reassurance in the only place I know how. I prayed for strength and peace to flow into my heart. I want to lead my daughters by example, and matching temper tantrum with temper tantrum isn't what I was intending.

I found my strength and peace in these words:

"Children rise higher when they are treated with respect. Use courteous and respectful language when you talk with one another. We have always had pretty clear expectations in our home about using respectful language. One day our little granddaughter had been playing with a friend and came home quite upset about something the friend had said. Her mother asked her what it was. She responded, "Well, it's such a bad word I can't say it, but it was shut (point upward)!"

A world famous psychologist, Bruno Bettleheim, said at the age of eighty-four, "You can't teach children to be good. The best you can do for your child is to live a good life yourself. What a parent knows and believes, the child will lean on."

You don't teach a child not to hit by hitting. We cannot expect to be respected if we treat others in demeaning ways."

Marjorie Pay Hinkley

(one of my favorite ladies)

I know moms get grumpy.....I get that! I know we work hard and tend to whining children and clean up messes all day. Sometimes it can be wearing and frustrating! What I am NOT okay with is seeing myself behave as anything but loving.

I must say I'm relieved I woke up today! That I am still breathing! I'm taking it as a good sign that the Lord still trusts me to love these girls and do better today!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

2010-09-13T08:47:00.000-07:00

Adeline swinging at her birthday pinata

This morning I held Adeline in my arms and looked into her bright eyes. They beamed up at me and without warning she planted a perfect little kiss right on my lips. We hugged and smiled at each other. I told her it was her birthday, that one year ago today she entered the world and expanded my heart. I thanked her for being a part of my life!

Emmy and I sang her a rousing "Happy Birthday", and she smiled.

I love this tiny girl. I love her voice, her laugh, and her warm and generous heart!! She is so amazingly affectionate. She cuddles and hugs and kisses all on her own accord. It is absolutely heart melting. Is there any more perfect gift than the love of a chubby cheeked baby?!!

Adeline, your sunshine warms me through and through! My lips are worn thin from the accumulated hours of kissing your glorious cheeks. I adore you, and am inspired by your sense of discovery and your determination to climb higher and higher!!

You don't speak much yet, but I sense in you a contentment that you didn't have in your early months. I do believe that you are fully embracing your new adventurous life. I know you feel, safe and loved. I can feel it when I hold you.

Today, the rest of the world goes on as usual, but I will quietly celebrate your perfect little life and all you are becoming!!! Being your mother is a dream come true!

I love you tiny!

Beautiful Crochet

2010-09-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

Doesn't this image make you want to take up crocheting?

I would love to see colorful afghans piled up around the house, cheerfully warming little bodies and adding color to the drab days of winter!

I guess I'd better pick up some yarn and dig out my crocheting needles!!

*image found here

Crisp, Cool, Warm and Fuzzy

2010-09-10T09:59:00.000-07:00

Summer swept through quietly, rosy cheeked and happy! Somehow we only managed one pool party on the lawn. It's kind of sad and very disappointing for my little Em, but we did manage a few sprinkler runs and camping trips. It has been a good summer.

For weeks now I have been waiting for the first of September to drop my cinnamon apple into the Scentsy warmer. For me part of the appeal of Fall is the smell of Fall. I love the warm pumpkin breads and apple cobblers. The homey aroma of clove, cinnamon and nutmeg! I LOVE Autumn. The colors are glorious, fiery and warm.

It's so lovely walking under the warm sun with the crisp cool air on your face. For me this approaching season conjures up everything cozy and nostalgic. It signifies the "getting back to business" time of year, with schools back in session and summer laziness all wrapped up in a pretty package and placed back up on the shelf. The exciting part is that another pretty package gets to come down. I look forward to the sweaters and socks again, and the familiar smell and warmth of our little wood burning stove.

I only wish this time of year lingered a little longer!

Envy My Cooking!

2010-08-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

I was introduced to an adorable blog by my sister-in-law today! It's called Envy My Cooking and they have an awesome giveaway!

These two adorable aprons are up for grabs! I've already decided I'm going to win them, but I guess it's worth a shot if you want to check it out! *wink

Just Imagine

2010-08-23T12:08:00.000-07:00

Isn't childhood fascinating? Being little in a world that is so big, seeing so many things for the first time? I wish I could remember how it all felt.

It's not that we come to earth as clean slates. We've existed forever. But because of forgetfulness, we are rediscovering things, and because of this mortal life....we are learning to manage a body and figuring out how to enjoy this physical world.

As a mother, I get to be a witness to this discovery, and I must say......It is beautiful to behold!

Imagining you are something bigger, better and more capable is all a part of childhood. In all this complexity of a forgetful spirit in a tiny body there is so much power and determination. We come to this earth full of it! It shoots from our beaming little faces and our shiny little eyes. We have been sent here with a mission.....a message from God. We can feel it just bubbling out of our fingers and toes in crazy bursts of energy. We come eager to fulfill the plan.

We are never more alive than we are as a child.

True Love

2010-08-12T07:25:00.000-07:00

Every year here on the ranch we experience what I'm going to call "moth season". The timing seems to be different each year, unless I'm just forgetting what time it occurred last year, which could definitely be the case. The moths work their way into our home by any means possible: cracked window, open door, vents, maybe even waiting in your hair and clothes to be smuggled indoors.....who really knows? All I know is that they get in, and they drive me crazy. They leave their red (yes I said red) droppings on everything! Walls, lamp shades, drapes, and now, just now I noticed a big splat on my white teapot! Not only that, but they dive at your head and flutter in your face. They hide in the toaster and come flying out at you as soon as it starts to heat up. They hide in the cupboards in between your dishes and die, then you get to be disgusted as you pull out a plate for lunch and find a dried up moth looking up at you with its wee beady eyes!

All of this brings me to something else. Adeline!

Adeline is the opposite of those moths, she is adorable, sweet, and though she does enjoy diving at my head and fluttering in my face, I love it and welcome it (most of the time)! As I type this she is crawling around the kitchen torturing the moths on the floor and trying to eat any dead ones she finds under the kitchen table (Nasty). Go Addy!

My youngest child, my baby girl, is almost out of the baby stage. A couple of nights ago Tyler and I watched some video taken not too long ago and the changes were obvious! She is growing like the ragweed around our house. Yesterday she walked, unassisted from the couch to the chair where Tyler was sitting. We cheered and celebrated! This led to several more attempts and stumbles, which led to Emilee walking and falling and stumbling.....trying to be like baby and get in on some of the attention!!

For about the first six months of Addy's life she was a total and complete "mama's girl" she was my shadow, my sidekick. She wasn't interested in anyone else......including her daddy! Emilee had always loved her "dadoo", and so I assumed that Addy would too. It kind of concerned me that they weren't bonding. She would scream under his care and insist that I and only I be the one to soothe her troubled heart.

Seasons change though, and as she has grown into a more secure and comfortable version of herself, she has also developed a bad case of the daddy crush! This girl adores her daddy! If Tyler is around, you will most likely find Adeline snuggled against his chest, offering her sweet baby kisses and gazing into his dreamy blue eyes. The way she looks at him tells you, she's got it bad.

I'm pretty sure he's got it too!

Someone to miss

2010-08-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

I am a dreamer. A planner and dreamer.

I love to imagine weekends filled with beautiful places, delicious food, shopping for pretty things, soaking in tubs filled with bubbly water, good entertainment, and of course lots of love.....pure passionate love!

This weekend my plans and dreams became reality, as Tyler and I dropped our girls off (one with each grandma), and headed to Park City for a beautiful weekend together! We enjoyed the leisurely days surrounded by pine covered mountain tops and large piles of clouds. It was perfect and beautiful, but the entire time an ache lingered in the midst of our bliss.

Our babies, our girls. We missed them terribly. We wondered about them and checked in from time to time to make sure they were happy and on their best behavior. We talked about them and wondered what they might be doing and whether or not they even noticed our absence.

It felt so good to getaway and focus on just the two of us, but it felt equally good to know there were two bright lights awaiting and expecting our return. Going away is good, but even better is having someone to miss while you're gone!

Becoming a Queen

2010-08-03T21:40:00.000-07:00

In recent months, I have been fascinated with the idea of becoming. By that, I mean the idea of changing and evolving into my full potential. Into something greater than I currently am.

I have felt a need to find out what I am really doing here. It is my belief that we came from another existence where we were given a choice to come to earth. I believe that promises were made there and assignments were given. We interacted with God. I believe we are His children, and as His children we hold divinity that is beyond our comprehension. Being here on earth is part of a grand plan, the purpose of which, is to unite all of us as one eternal family and allow us the choice to return to our Father in Heaven. I have lived my entire life with these understandings, but I realize that just knowing something doesn’t mean I am really living up to my potential and purpose.

What is it then, that must be done for me to become who and what I am meant to be? Is it more about changing myself, or is it more about remembering myself? Most likely some of both.

Because these things have been on my mind a lot lately, it feels like I am at the beginning of my journey, but if I look back at my life thus far, I find that I have been on the journey all along. Becoming is simply about choices. Every choice we make sends us down the path of becoming. The question is what am I becoming?

Am I on the path to my full potential? Or am I wandering around, lost, confused, and focused on things that are nothing more than distractions.

I want to become who I am supposed to be. That is what I have decided for myself, and hopefully my choices will reflect that more often than not. Fulfilling my purpose is a very personal and sacred path, but I am all about working together to make things happen, and I’d like to include anyone and everyone who would like to help. In return I’d like to help anyone I can.

Because of all of this I have started a new blog Becoming a Queen. Through this blog I am going to share what I feel are crucial elements in this process. My hope is that others will help and contribute. I would love to interview others who are on this same quest, and who may have insight that will help me on my journey. I am excited to learn and...become.

Stell & Livi

2010-08-03T12:58:00.000-07:00

Today I discovered this darling little shop on Etsy. It is called Stell & Livi and they sell the most darling felt items you have ever seen. This whimsical crown is a must for the dress up box and of course a tooth fairy pillow to hang on the door knob when Emilee loses her first tooth!

Their party hats are so adorable.....everything is!  Take a look for yourself!

In the tops of the mountains

2010-08-02T13:12:00.001-07:00

This weekend we had our 1st annual Iverson reunion......... and I loved it!

I'll admit that I was not really excited to go, because the days leading up to it were filled with sickness in our home....and along with sickness comes crankiness and exhaustion. Not exactly the makings for a good time in the outdoors if you ask me. Luckily the sickness went away and as soon as we headed up the twisty road to our campsite......I was so glad I was there!

We camped near Puffer Lake on Beaver Mountain and it was beautiful! We played games, sat around campfires, some fished, some hiked and nearly everyone got soaked. It rained quite a lot which chased us into a large huddle under the tarp to wait out the down pours. It was so nice though....being out of the heat. I really couldn't complain, that is until my nights were rudely disrupted by Adeline's night terrors, or sleep screaming, or I'm trying to make this experience miserable for my mommy tantrums.....or whatever you want to call them. You could safely say....she "wasn't a happy camper".....at least not during the cold damp nights.

Poor girl.

This was her very first time camping and I think she quickly got annoyed at not being able to crawl in the mud and jump in the puddles like the bigger kids. Maybe next year chica! In all honesty though, she was a trooper!

Of course Emilee capital L.O.V.E.D-ed it! She rolled in mud, ran up and down...up and down....up and down. Washed her hands in the creek. Played with cousins, and aunts, and uncles. Gave mommy heart attacks every time she stumbled around the fire pit. She screamed into the vast expanse of creation with her loud/squeaky voice and basically lived it up in every possible two-year-old-I'm-running-free-in-the-mountains kind of way!

I would say her shining moments included her outdoor potty chair photo shoot and her performance on Sunday morning during our devotional. As we sang our closing hymn "I Stand All Amazed", she moved to the middle of the circle and entertained us with an interpretive dance routine. When the hymn was finally finished she let out a long dreamy sigh and then proclaimed...."that was a good song!"

I loved spending time with everyone! My husband comes from an amazing family! They are all so loving and accepting of one another and it is always a joy to be in their company!

I'm already looking forward to the 2nd annual Iverson reunion! Unless of course I'm pregnant with twins by then.....which may be the case considering two of my sisters-in-law have notified me on separate occasions that they had dreams that I was pregnant with twins.....yikes!

As of today.......not pregnant with twins.......not pregnant at all (just to clear that up)! I'll keep you posted with any new developments on that one!

For now.....here's to sleeping in my own bed and 10 thousand loads of smokey laundry! Better get to work!

A little something just for you!!

2010-07-29T07:29:00.000-07:00

My good friend Heather posted this on her blog today and so I signed up for one of her homemade gifts! I'm excited to see what I will get! I also thought it would be fun to be creative and make something for 5 of my friends too! The way it works is.....the first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll be done this year. That gives me a good five months to get it done!
4. You have no clue what it's going to be. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange (don't worry, I don't think it will be anything too strange).

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! *Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!*

Daddy Daughter Campout

2010-07-28T09:10:00.000-07:00

Tyler is the world's greatest daddy! If you need evidence, you will find it in these photos! He took our two year old on a hike/camp out, and she had the time of her life! I think he had a pretty good time too!

There were frequent stops on the hike, for snacks and drinks and relaxation in the shade. Apparently it wasn't the fastest hike Tyler has been on, but no doubt one of the most memorable.

Good friends make everything more fun!!

Gathering Pine Cones to bring home for mommy!

Muddy and wet after the rainstorms!

Does it get any better than campfire and marshmallows?

Giddy about the sleeping bags! This girl loves anything to do with tents and sleeping bags!

Good Morning Sunshine!

Headed home!

Put a smile on your face

2010-07-16T14:48:00.001-07:00

I'm always looking online for good photographers!  I love the ones who can capture life and emotion, especially in children.

Today on Design Mom, I found photographer Stephanie Rausser and her charming slideshow of Kiki and Coco in Paris.

Go check it out, it will put a smile on your face!!

Soaking it up

2010-07-14T10:49:00.000-07:00

It does something so good to me being outside in the sunshine, watching my child run, jump, and squeal through the cold sprinkler water.

Seeing her so alive, makes me feel alive.

101 things I love

2010-07-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

1. NYC
2. the horchata at betos
3. emerald green
4. pumpkin ravioli
5. campfires
6. giggling babies
7. chocolate cake
8. "business time"
9. Bombay House
10. pretty shoes
11. rosy cheeks
12. soccer
13. long lingering kisses
14. hamburgers
15. sleeping in
16. my mom's scrambled eggs & cheese
17. love letters
18. jamba juice
19. blogging
20. "You've Got Mail"
21. feeling healthy
22. night swimming
23. date night
24. Tyler's cooking
25. cheese
26. long showers
27. fall leaves
28. twinkle lights
29. sunflowers
30. warm sweaters
31. nice smelling sheets
32. C.O. Bigelow lip gloss
33. moon rise
34. nutella
35. everything cozy
36. vintage luggage
37. shopping
38. my husband
39. sleepovers
40. mountains
41. starlight
42. foot rubs
43. good music
44. pasta
45. Jesus
46. weddings
47. my babies
48. LOVE
49. books
50. candle light
51. good news
52. day dreaming
53. Anthropologie
54. long eyelashes
55. writing
56. visiting family
57. Schwan's chocolate peanut butter ice cream
58. creativity
59. Def Leppard
60. honesty
61. power naps
62. girl's weekend
63. laughing really hard
64. jalapeno cheetos
65. motherhood
66. temple square
67. parties
68. happy people
69. lots and lots of pillows
70. tea pots
71. traditions
72. freedom
73. beautiful rooms
74. road trips
75. feeling pretty
76. donuts
77. bubble baths
78. Italy
79. cinnamon rolls
80. integrity
81. art work
82. good photography
83. soft grass
84. dancing
85. children's books
86. romantic get aways
87. chocolate milk
88. home grown tomatoes
89. travel
90. Food Network
91. card games
92. Ingrid Michaelson
93. feeling safe
94. picnics
95. "It's a Wonderful Life"
96. flower gardens
97. purses
98. alpine slide
99. spirituality
100. home
101. knowing who I am

photo taken from here

Bacon Brownies, Elephants, Fireworks and a 5K

2010-07-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

My 4th of July weekend was wonderful! It was a good ol' fashioned memory making weekend......and I loved everything single second.

One of the highlights was the bacon brownie. Amber brought it back from her business trip to NYC, and as I was eating it, I thought how funny it is that I would be eating a dense chocolate treat laced with caramelized bacon. Who comes up with this stuff? It is choices like this that give clarity to my "battle of the bulge". I do have a serious thing for chocolate and I am in deep trouble when there is bacon around, but to indulge in both at once, and admit that I actually thought it tasted good.......well, think I might need help!

This was going to be the weekend where weakness and triumph would embrace and be friendly, for my sake and for the sake of family.......This was the weekend of the much anticipated 5K. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

We kicked off our celebration of independence with a trip to the zoo! Which is kind of funny......celebrating our freedom and independence by watching a bunch of animals trapped in cages lay around eating veggies and picking lice out of each others hair. Oh but it was fun! Accompanying us on our adventure would be the lovely Marnae , the beautiful Bethany, the gorgeous Tynett and all of their handsome husbands! It was bound to be a good time! Unfortunately Emilee got sick on the ride up, and emptied her breakfast all over her shirt and skirt ensemble, so we did our best to give her a quick wet wipe bath, and set off in nothing but a pull-up and a hogle zoo souvenir t-shirt, courtesy of Nett and Adam (thank you). It wasn't long before her upset tummy was a thing of the past, and nothing but monkeys, tigers and elephants were in view. She ran here, and bounced over there.....snakes, penguins, giraffes.......and more monkeys! It was a two year old dream come true! Like I said, we loved every single second!

After a few hours at the zoo, we headed to a local park for a picnic. We ate sandwiches, home-made salsa, and fresh fruit. The weather was absolutely beautiful, almost a little chilly even. Perfect for napping, and relaxing. After the picnic we stopped by Nett and Adam's new apartment to check it out (very nice by the way), then we headed off for Springville.

That night we did the traditional eat snacks and watch fireworks. I must say it was magical, being there, watching Emilee and Adeline soak it all in. There is something so satisfying about passing on traditions, and seeing that same childhood joy you experienced in your own children as they feel the magic and excitement.

I must say my favorite 4th of July tradition is the when the fighter jets fly over the city. Seeing them race overhead fills me up completely with a combination of love, gratitude, patriotism and a sudden desire to watch Top Gun......okay, I'm kind of kidding about the Top Gun part. It gets me teary every time.

Sunday evening Tyler's sisters and husbands joined my family for a bbq at my parent's house. It was fun being surrounded by so much family. My grandma Wheeler was there as well. My favorite part was watching Emilee do the sparklers that night.

The grand finale to the perfect weekend, was our attempt at our first 5K! On Monday morning bright and early Tyler, my dad and I gathered with thousands of people in Provo Utah for the Freedom Run. We got to run down the parade route and it was so much fun! We were slow......and I mean slow. As we headed up 9th east, I started to curse the bacon brownie, and every other thing that keeps me trapped in my plumpness......why......WHY? I am too weak to resist, and a little too chubby and out of shape to really "run", so here I am shuffling and gasping for breath on the uphill wondering why I ever agreed to do this. The wondering only lasted a few minutes until I rounded the corner and saw the finish line. At that point my dad took off and I tried to pick up my shuffle until at last I crossed that line and crossed one of my goals off the proverbial list.

I did it!

I finished a 5K. And surprisingly, I can't wait to do the next one!

I kind of rushed through and left out so many details of our weekend, but I'm quite sure it was one of the best 4th of July weekends I've ever had.

Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness........How did I get so blessed?!

What would it be?

2010-07-02T12:34:00.000-07:00

If my life were a movie it would be one of those epic love stories with lots of drama, but plenty of laughter. There would be an underdog to cheer for, a heroin to save, a villain to over throw, and lots of personal triumph. I know I would give it two enthusiastic thumbs up!

All this brings me to another thought I've had. Don't you think that life should come with a soundtrack? I mean, wouldn't it be incredible, if out of nowhere, music started playing before your first kiss, or during your first heart break. I would love to have a song for every perfect and gut-wrenching twist and turn of my life. It would make everything much more dramatic, and even more beautiful. Don't you think?

Right now my soundtrack would include:

Ingrid Michaelson
Mindy Gledhill
Paul Cardall
Allison Krauss
Switchfoot

Of course it changes from day to day!

What would your soundtrack be?

Snapshot

2010-07-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

I love it when a photo captures the essence of life.  It holds a place and picture of the goings on of the season.  It sums things up perfectly!!  This photo does that.

Activities abundant in the Iverson household lately include:

Swimming in the kiddie pool out on the lawn. (Thank you Amber)
Lots and lots of stories.
Disney movies galore.
Youtube videos for children.
Making messes.
Playing with toys.
Snuggling in blankets.
And of course basking in the light of these two adorable faces!

(Pretty much the only thing missing is an otter pop in someones hand.)

As you can see, life is good.

And so much more

2010-06-30T12:22:00.001-07:00

My Anthropologie catalog arrived in the mail today..........oh glory be!

I am passionately in love with every single item in that blessed store. I know it's not good to covet or long for material possessions, but everything is so frilly and beautiful, and so tempting!

I counted 5 pairs of shoes
5 cardi's
3 blouses (who uses the word blouses anymore?.....I do!)
4 dresses
2 jackets
2 rugs
6 comforter sets
and
1 pair of curtains, that I must have.

And that was only in the catalog.

Anthropologie is delicious, it is feminine, it is unique..............and it is pricey. That is why my passion has to be held in reserve for that future place where I have all the money I could ever dream of. That place does exist.....I know it does. People tell me it is imaginary.......but it can't be. I'm never going to give up hoping, because dreams really do come true. If you don't believe me.....remember this post? These beauties are sitting in my cupboard as we speak!! Oooh, I think I'm going to go pour myself some creamy chocolate milk right now!

Here's to pretty things! clink clink!

*wink*

Messy

2010-06-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

Am I a messy person? I don't know. It feels like it most of the time.

I don't like that feeling.

When we were young, Amber's side of our room was always so neat and tidy, her bed made to perfection. I recall her disgust with her messy older sister whose clothes were dropped here and draped there and piles of stuff, books, important papers, and sentimental items covered nearly every surface....I guess I can't really blame her.

Clutter is so unhealthy. I'm serious! Studies have been done.......there is proof. I try to clean things up....I try, but I'm not like my mother or my sister. Within the day of a good cleaning, piles are forming and clothes are draped and dropped. I must say, it drives me crazy! It makes me sad. I am so easily distracted by books and blogs, creative ideas, projects, cuddles, kisses, delicious food and good conversation. Chasing messes all day is too much, it distracts me from my distractions.

They say that cleanliness is next to godliness...............*long sigh*...........I want to be next to godliness. I do.

Sometimes I wonder if my outward mess is just evidence of cluttered surfaces on the inside. If that is the case, perhaps I just need to clean off those surfaces and then all of the physical ones will stay clean too.....finally. Perhaps there will then be enough of me to chase messes AND do the things I love.

Prayer, fasting, meditation, study, self reflection, energy clearing, focus, humility and the power of Christ's atonement. It sounds so simple. The solutions do exist. I am lucky, no, blessed to know what I know......it doesn't make it easy though.

Heavenly Father loves messy people, fortunately for me. My beautiful babies love their messy mama, and my Tyler loves his messy Michelle. They give me permission to love my mess......and I guess I do. My mess is glorious. It is mine to sort through and purge......and eventually let go of for good.

Some day I will be completely clean. My heart and my home.

Until then, please forgive my mess.

The lady around the corner

2010-06-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

Around the corner from my Parents, lives a saint of a woman. She is the sweetest of sweet and as thoughtful as they come. Nearly every family occasion we have, finds her there, like a devoted aunt or cousin, offering help, treats, and a heartwarming compliment or word of encouragement.

She is from Holland, and she speaks with a slight accent.....you know, the accent where the "th" is pronounced more like a "d".

I love this lady around the corner.

She rides around town on a pretty bike with a basket out front. She cheerfully waves as you pass with her enormous dog on a leash and her basket filled with bags from the local grocery.

She is a little bit of Europe and I love a little bit of Europe.

I can't really pin her appeal to anything as silly as a pretty bike with a basket, though they do add to her charm. The real reason she is exceptional in my eyes is her apparent quest for Charity: the pure love of Christ. I am not a part of her inner circle. I do not know her daily struggles, but I do know she handles people with care and sincerity. She has a gift for looking at you and seeing who you REALLY are, not just your silliness and imperfection. Trust me, everyone needs a neighbor like this.

I must admit.....I do want a pretty bike of my own. I want to ride the country roads of my new home town. I want to scatter sunshine, and cheer. I want to handle people with care and sincerity, and most of all, I want to be gifted with Charity, and I want to share it with everybody.

Just like the lady around the corner!

This beautiful photograph is taken from one of my favorite websites Hello My Name is Heather!

This Gorgeous Life

2010-06-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

We travel into the city, or "up north", as it is referred to here, about once a month. We usually stay with my family in Springville and hit up Costco, Wal-mart, and any other necessary stops.

It tends to be rushed and filled with the constant predicament of wanting to relax and enjoy family and friends and the need to get all of our errands done before heading back out to the desert.

I love it, and I hate it.

It's a price that we pay living way out in the unknown lands of the west. People think we are crazy, but.....we love it out here. I guess you could say, it is a price we are willing to pay. Besides Tyler and I haven't gone to rehab for our fast food addiction yet, so if it wasn't for our extremely remote location, we'd both weigh 300 lbs.

All that aside, I want to let you in on a little part of why I love Tyler. First of all, he loves his girls. I've mentioned that before, but I don't think you really get it. I mean he really REALLY adores them, and he wants to give them experiences that make them happy. Experiences that give them fond childhood memories. And I love him for that!

Last time we went to town we found a nice spot to stop on our way home. We pulled out our diaper boxes to use as tables, dug through our coolers and pulled out the hot dogs. Our hero daddy built us a fire, and hovered over the open flame roasting hot dogs for his hungry family. Emilee ran wild in the open air. She jumped up and down waiting to eat her hot dog, and then smiled like crazy while she smeared ketchup everywhere! Adeline cooed in the fresh air, and my heart swelled with love and contentment as I observed my little family.

This last trip was long and tiring. I built a cake, there was a wedding, Tyler rafted a river, we shopped and shopped and then finally late Saturday afternoon we set off for home. We were pooped....all of us. As we approached Delta, Tyler mentioned something about an ice cream cone, but I was in no mood to haul the babies out of their slumber, and away from the cool car in order to watch them smear ice cream all over kingdom come. No thank you!!

But, just as my sweet Tyler was about to move on, I had a change of heart......Yes!, I cried out......let's do it! Let's live our lives......let's eat ice cream! He smiled and circled back into the parking lot of the Delta Freeze. Once again our hero daddy saved the day. He reminded mommy that even though life makes us tired, it is still our life.......the only one we have. Today will never come again.

Thank you my love, for showing our girls that it is okay to have fun!!!

Love you a million x a million!

I'm practically a professional now

2010-06-21T13:47:00.001-07:00

Here it is.....wedding cake no. 2! This time for the lovely Marnae!

(To see cake no. 1 go here.)

I realize I need to take some cake decorating classes and learn the secrets of the trade, otherwise there is an awful lot of praying and muttering bad words under my breath, as I try to patch holes and cover up cracks.

Probably not the most effective combo.

Marnae loved it though.....and that's all that really matters!

(So thanks for answering my prayers.......and sorry about the bad words!)

Congratulations Rick and Marnae!!

Hello Summer

2010-06-21T13:18:00.001-07:00

Hello Summer.

Welcome to my world again! I've never forgotten you, with all of your flirty laughter and friendly invitations to come outside and play. I've always had a thing for you. Your warmth is sweet, but I've been burned once or twice, and well....sometimes I ignore you because of that, and instead give my affection to the cool indoors.

Burns do heal though and freckles do forgive, and somehow every year when you make your appearance, I realize that I have really truly missed you.

And now.......I want to introduce you to my girls. I want them to love you and play in your warmth. I want them to miss you when you are gone.

Just like me.

Good Morning Sunshine

2010-06-16T10:50:00.001-07:00

Most mornings Tyler gets out of bed first. When the morning cry sounds from the room across the hall, he's the one to rescue our little ladies from their slumber, and whisk them off for some sweet daddy-daughter time before work, which means I usually get to steal a few more minutes of sleep!

Mornings are not my thing.

Before marrying me, Tyler had grand visions of us arising early, me at the stove, preparing a warm breakfast to send him on his way, my face all aglow with love and the warmth of the rising sun.

Boy, did I ever disappoint.

Most mornings you'll find me tossing in our bed, inwardly screaming...nooooooooo! I can't go on!

It is sad....so very, very sad.

I'll admit I had grand visions too! I've always wanted to be a morning person, but I struggle.

I love the comfort of my comforter. I adore the sweetness of my sheets. I long to linger on my pillow. To go on, or not to go on......that is always the question!

This is just another area where I need to change. Uggg! You know that old adage....early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise? Well, I really don't want to be left out of all that sweet action!! Health? Wealth? Wisdom? Yes please!!!

Oh the price! Can I afford it?

Hmmmmm..........it looks like it's time to stop spending my energy account on late night netflix, because, darn it all........It really is leaving me broke in the morning.

Minding your Pees & Poos

2010-06-14T13:18:00.001-07:00

Isn't it great having a child who knows what to do with a potty chair? When diapers are replaced with pull-ups and princess panties, and every surface of the house is covered with sticker rewards for a job well done, you know that the big girl train is in town.................and we are all aboard!

The down side is, Emilee is a go-getter.......a wham-bam-thank you mam, kinda gal when it comes to using the potty! She races in there, drops her drawers and is almost off and running again before she finishes the job! This means there are dribbles everywhere leaving our home with a slight pee pee aroma. It also means I have to chase her down to give her the good wipe and clean.

Oh pa-lease! Who has time to be bothered with such inconsequential things as wiping?

Not Emmy.

She was doing so well, and still is, but it feels like the excitement has worn off, and we're having more accidents than we did in the beginning!

Ems......I am so proud of you though! You are such a smart, capable, beautiful girl. So what if you have an accident here and there. You are amazing, and at least chasing you around the house with your pull-ups around your ankles gives me a good laugh every day!

Just like always, you will get better as you go.

Someday my girl....... you'll have it all figured out.

Running out of time!

2010-06-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

These shoes are made for running,

and that's just what they'll do.

One of these days these shoes are gonna run a mile or two!
(Or hopefully 3.1 on July 5th)

Wish me luck!

Screamin' Coupons!

2010-06-11T08:50:00.000-07:00

You might notice I have a new widget on my sidebar!  It's for Screamin' Coupons!  They are new to Utah, and their deals are awesome!

Here's how it works! Each day they offer a "deal of the day". My widget shows the deal for Utah county. Within the next few months they will be expanding throughout the state and will have a different deal of the day for Davis/Weber County, Northern Utah, Salt Lake County, and Southern Utah as well.

It is free to sign up! Just click on the widget to get to their site, enter your email address and choose your area. It's as simple as that! You can even sign up to receive a daily alert!

For the next 30 days, if you sign up through my blog, you will receive $5 in screamin' credits to use on your account! So tell all your friends and family to come to my blog and sign up to get great deals and, of course, their $5 credit!!! This offer lasts until July 11th! After that anyone can still sign up, but the $5 credit will no longer be available!

Screamin'Coupons donates 5%-10% to help local schools, so let's give them our support!

Who doesn't love to save money?

Digging In

2010-06-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

The other day while I was out digging in the garden I thought of my dad. I thought of him puttering around his yard (he is a senior citizen you know, and puttering is what he does in his old age. *wink). I thought of him working in his garden.

I love my dad.

He is trying to figure out this life just like the rest of us. I realize the older I get that he is just a man.....an imperfect man.......but he is wise. He is the kind of dad who knows the answers to most everything. Something about that makes me feel safe.

For some reason I am really longing to sit down and talk with him, just like we have done so many times during my life. I want to ask him some serious questions. I want to hear his answers.

I had a short conversation with my mother-in-law on Sunday in the hall of our tiny church house. She mentioned something about how the next 15 years of my life I will change and age, but I will not appear a whole lot different than I am now, however; in the passing of those same 15 years, she will enter her 70's. For her everything will be different. She was speaking more of the physical changes, but it made me think about how much potential for inward change is waiting in those 15 years.

Time is passing. I wonder if I'm allowing it change me for good.

The scriptures tell us that now is the time to prepare to meet God, and yet I act like that day will never come. When you are preparing for something important, you don't just lie around in your PJ's surfing the internet eating cold cereal while your children scream through the house.

No, you focus on what is coming, you plan for it. You study it out. If it is something you really want, you do what it takes to get it.

I have been praying and pondering a lot about who I am. What did I covenant to do in this life? Am I doing it?

Do any of you wonder about these things?

This is a pivotal year in my life! At some point we all hear the call to change.....to leave behind our childish things and grow up. Why is it so dang hard to grow up?

My heart is being tilled up, raked over and prepared for a new start. Just like our little tomato "starts" we plant each year, it may go through a period of transition. During this time the young plant is trying to take root in its new home. It struggles to survive. It gets exposed to the hot sun and the strong wind and often times looks like giving up, but most of the time it does not. It digs in.....deep, and holds on tight. It chooses to fulfill its purpose and it becomes fruitful.

Somehow.....I know I can do the same.

*photo taken from Country Gardens Magazine

Just looking at you

2010-06-01T19:11:00.000-07:00

It's impossible to ignore the flutter in my heart when I see you being daddy. You love your girls with everything you have. And I must say there is nothing more beautiful to me than seeing the man I love taking care of the girls I love.

Your manly heart is strong and unfailing. A safe and comfortable home for all of your girls......including me!

Yes, families can be together forever, and I thank you my love, for wanting it all just as much as I do!

Change

2010-05-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

A lot of great things have happened in our family this month!

Adeline cut her first tooth on Mother's Day.

I have my first potty trained child! Congratulations Emilee!

I ran a whole mile from start to finish for the first time in my life! I was always that girl in P.E. class who dreaded the day we ran the mile. Oh boy did I dread that day. I have always hated running. The whole gasping for every breath and feeling like your head is going to explode just didn't excite me. As a result, I never pushed myself to get better at it.....until now.

Tyler gave me my first "break" since Addy was born. I spent the weekend with my sister! It was a very much appreciated gift. Thank you my love.

Adeline has started to pull herself into a standing position and started to speak that beautiful baby jibber jabber so fluently!

Things in life seem to change so fast. I saw this photo of Emilee this weekend, and my heart ached. Baby Em has quickly been replaced by a big girl. I feel like time is speeding up and I need it to slow down. I know I'm not soaking everything in fast enough.

Dandelions

2010-05-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

On Saturday Emmy, Addy and I spent some time out on the deck in the sunshine!

It was so nice.

At one point, as I was feeding some rice cereal and peaches to the babe, Em wandered down the steps to the lawn. A few minutes later she approached with a fist full of dandelions. "Hea Mommy....feowas (flowers)."

Oh my.

Right then and there my heart grew and burst! It was my first bouquet of dandelions picked with love from my first born. I wish I had a photo of her sweet face looking up at me with her fist full of flowers held above her head!

I filled a tiny glass vase with water and attempted to arrange them. It was difficult considering most of them were just dandelion heads with no stems, but I displayed them proudly all weekend.

This morning I am left with their shriveled remnants and a beautiful memory!

Thank you baby girl!

Plumperoni

2010-05-15T11:36:00.000-07:00

Okay....this is me.

Well actually this was me about three years ago, but this is a shot of me at the height of my plumpness and glory.

I am learning to embrace my soft squishiness, but it is not really the look I want to sport for the rest of my life.

Though I believe that it is important to be happy right where you are....in your current state, I do not believe we should ever be completely satisfied with our current state. Dissatisfaction initiates progression and creativity and I am at a point where progression and creativity are needed and welcome!

I am on a journey of self reclamation! I am not going to settle any longer for the lower version of myself that I have befriended for many many years. In fact I don't really know if befriended is the right word for it, because speaking ill of, lying to, and mistreating someone isn't friendly at all! The truth is I've been belittling myself for far too long!!

There is a mighty obstacle in the way though.

Food.

I love food!! And when I say love, I'm talking a capital L-O-V-E. That coupled with any emotional baggage I'm hanging on to makes for a long shot at permanent weight loss. So.....here it goes. I'll be testing some new ideas and techniques I've got up my sleeve.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Who doesn't love a picnic?

2010-05-14T07:54:00.000-07:00

I've added a new button to my sidebar!

It is for the Provo Picnic Club.

Is this an awesome idea or what?

I don't live anywhere near Provo, but for those of you who do, I strongly recommend joining the club. I mean aren't you dying to throw a couple of sandwiches in a bag and head to the park, make some friends and enjoy the sunshine?

I know I am.

Where has the sun gone?

2010-05-11T11:06:00.001-07:00

Remember the good ol' days when spring used to come and stay for a while before summer made it's grand entrance and the sidewalks got too hot to walk on with bare feet? Remember those days?

Right now otter pops are just chillin' in the freezer waiting for a hot day so they can come out and refresh us with their sweet goodness. But, it seems the cold and snow are not going down without a fight. Just when you think they are down for the count, they throw out a limp arm and wave off the whistle.

What? No! Not again.......give up already! Geesh!

We've been waiting for a good day, so we can go out and plant our garden and do some yard work without blowing away in the process!

Hmmmm. Maybe tomorrow.

To Be A Mother

2010-05-09T11:09:00.000-07:00

"In speaking of mothers generally, I especially wish to praise and encourage young mothers. The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. But with night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue. Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island."

"Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Husbands--especially husbands--as well as Church leaders and friends in every direction, be helpful and sensitive and wise. Remember, 'To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.'"

"In light of that kind of expression, it is clear that some of those Rhode Island--sized shadows come not just from diapers and carpooling but from at least a few sleepless nights spent searching the soul, seeking earnestly for the capacity to raise these children to be what God wants them to be. Moved by that kind of devotion and determination, may I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you. HE knows that your giving birth to a child does not immediately propel you into the circle of the omniscient. If you and your husband will strive to love God and live the gospel yourselves; if you will plead for that guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit promised to the faithful; if you will go to the temple to both make and claim the promises of the most sacred covenants a woman or man can make in this world; if you will show others, including your children, the same caring, compassionate, forgiving heart you want heaven to show you; if you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do."

Elder Jeffery R. Holland

I saw these quotes on my cousin's blog this week and thought I would post them as well. I also saw this funny and awesome version of "the bather" on Snippet & Ink and thought it would be appropriate in celebration of mothers and the role they play in our lives.

Today we celebrate motherhood! You all know how much I love a good celebration! I am overwhelmed with emotion and awe when I think of the magnificence of motherhood! I take this sacred role most seriously and find confidence in it like nothing I have ever done. It makes me sad to know I am imperfect and so often fall short, but there is a peace that comes to my heart that I know every mother has if they will look for it. It is that peace that reminds you that you are doing it!!! You are living your highest calling! I wish more women would take mother's day as a day to honor themselves as well as each other. Don't let it be a day you allow the guilt of all your imperfections to wash over and depress you.

You are a "Wonder Woman"!

Let's think of our Heavenly Father, who, as Elder Holland says, has trusted us with this most awesome opportunity! He, the ruler of the universe trusts us because He knows what we are capable of!!! Wow. If that doesn't make you feel better about yourself......I don't know what will!

Happy Mother's Day!

The Fairy Blog-Mother

2010-05-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

If you have not heard of Stephanie Nielson that probably means you have not read her blog! If you haven't read her blog that might mean you have not been exposed to the beauty that is available to you as a woman.

About a year and a half ago, I was introduced to The NieNie Dialogues. I was smitten. I felt as though I had found a soul sister, someone who shared the dreamy romantic view of life that I held in my heart and soul. I felt freed. I was inspired. I was moved. To focus on the good, and to create the good. That is what NieNie taught me.

I've decided that blogging is powerful and here's why. It is a record of your thoughts, your dreams, your observations. It causes you to focus on the things you desire and the things you believe. You realize your capacity to love, you observe and feel gratitude for the love you receive. It exposes your complexities and simplicities. When you step back and really think about it, your blog is a portrait of yourself...........whoever you are, whatever you are....it is captured and thrown out as a ray of light in the darkness.

Writing is a creation process, but I am starting to believe that it helps in physical creation as well. When you write about life, you allow yourself to imagine something even greater.....as a result greater things come about. I know it has happened in my life. Perhaps it will in yours too!

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

Henry David Thoreau

The Cake

2010-05-07T07:46:00.000-07:00

So my sister emailed me the other day

to tell me she just got the new Cricut Cake!!! If you are familiar with the original Cricut, you know that it does amazing things with vinyl and paper........cutting out shapes, flourishes, images, and millions of fonts. The Cricut Cake is basically the same thing but geared to cake decorating. In a couple of weeks I am heading to her house for a long weekend of rest, relaxation and fun, (Thank you my love) and together we are going to practice cutting things out of fondant and gum paste!!

I recently did the cake for my sister-in-laws wedding (pictured above) I was up late into the night trying to finish it up. I really had no idea what I was doing which is obvious if you look closely, but luckily for me it looked pretty good from a distance! It is kinda risky offering to do a wedding cake when you have no training and not much experience. Fortunately Bethany is really sweet and easy going!! I did find out that cake decorating can be really fun, and an expensive way to express some creativity! *wink

2010 World Cup

2010-04-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

If I had an ounce of athletic ability, and had my younger life to do over.......I would be a soccer player without a doubt! Soccer is such an organic sport, it is simple........run like heck, and kick the ball! It doesn't involve a lot of gear or equipment and it leaves the player with a feeling of power and freedom.

As a teenager, my boy crazy side was intrigued by the fact that the players all resembled male super models in shorts and shin guards. That, along with the fancy foot work, attracted me to the sport for somewhat shallow reasons! But my interest has remained, and though dormant, my dream is to run the field with all MY power and freedom.

I saw this video for the 2010 World Cup in Africa today, and felt my old love for soccer wash over me.........just like the good ol' days! It is one of the only sports where competition is on a global level, and every country lives and breaths loyalty for their team. The US is one of the only countries where soccer isn't loved as widely. In some ways it's too bad, perhaps it would bring our country together!!

Anyway, check out the video! My girls and I have been dancing to it all morning!